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The Worse Days
The Worse Days
| Date | December 1, 2016 |
| Location | The Gambia |
| Death Toll | Undisclosed, estimated to be over 10,000 |
| Damage | $3 Billion |
| Perpetrator | Adama Barrow |
The period of time from the Great Caffeinated Death, which marked the end of Coffee in the Gambia, to the present have been the very bad days for the people of the Gambia. These days also put Aleksey Pivovarov and Yosef Romanov in the worst positions of their lives, having to leave the Gambia to find new prospects for growing coffee. It is likely that as long as Adama Barrow remains in power of the Gambia, the Worse Days will continue.
For the Russians and Americans involved, these Worse Days led to The Worst Days.
Aleksey and Yosef's Gambian Holiday (2016–2018)
Polygamy is deemed as normal but uncommon in the culture of the Gambia; however, despite their several trips and consecutive years spent in the Gambia, the members of the Kepelkeker clan managed to stay completely unaware of this. That being said, Gambian KOMBO worker Aisha Mankita married Aleksey Pivovarov in 2007 and then his cousin Yosef Romanov in June of 2016. Both figured that the other was just a "family member" to Aisha, and, as this was true at face value, Aisha misinterpreted the fact that Aleksey and Yosef were unaware of the mutual marriage. When the group made facebook accounts in mid 2018, they all quickly realized there was a conspiracy at hand. After several public Facebook arguments, the cousins decided to settle their differences in the most civilized way possible: by engaging in vicious competition in the Gambia to fight for Aisha's legitimate hand.
Their facebook accounts went dark as they made their way to the Gambia on separate trips, arriving there in early September. Ignoring the typical secrecy used to operate Coffee Haus 10, Aleksey and Yosef were faced with public scrutiny (since they were both formally banned from the Gambia along with Karl Gurevich since the Great Caffeinated Death). While being publically assaulted by Decaf Squad citizens and pro-Adama Barrow citizens, the two were rescued by pro-coffee rapper Big Money Gambia, and he escorted them to his mansion. In the mansion was none other than billionaire film producer Jeffrey Meena, along with Gambian warrior Leroy Ginseng. The cousins told their whole story, and Jeffrey Meena was immediately interested in turning the contest for Aisha Mankita into a telivised event. The name, as suggested by Leroy Ginseng, was to be called "Aleksey and Yosef's Gambian Holiday" after the Coffee Mage cultural custom, the Gambian Holiday.
Leroy Ginseng started by testing Aleksey and Yosef for their capacity to absorb fertility, and found them both to be inherently extrafertile. The stage was set for the competition of the century. With camera crews and armed guards everywhere, the cousins travelled to Aisha's home in Georgetown. She happily greeted the cousins, but the two of them commanded her attention. Leroy, who would act as the host of the show, stepped in and announced to the audience that Yosef and Aleksey would do battle increasingly difficult competition to win Aisha's monogamous hand in marriage once and for all.
The entire crew and cast stationed in Independence Stadium in Bakau, the Gambia. The stadium filled to capacity on opening night.
Adama Barrow endorsed the event, as both Aleksey Pivovarov and Yosef Romanov were de facto enemies of the state, and the thought of them fighting to the death in the public spectacle delighted him. Because of this, he personally conducted the opening ceremony. He did not shake hands with Leroy Ginseng. Before the show began, Big Money Gambia had a pre-game rap performance where we performed some of his few songs that were not specifically anti-Adama Barrow.
Leroy then commenced the games, hosted every Thursday from October 4th through November 22nd 2018. Each challenge would involve Aleksey and Yosef having equal amounts of fertility added to them, followed by training on the use of their abilities, and then a battle. The episodes went as follows:
- 10/4: Wrestling Gambia Style (1.8 million views)
- 10/11: Matter Inflection (1.1 million views)
- 10/18: Yeth Hound Death Match (1.3 million views)
- 10/25: Slam Poetry (2.1 million views)
- 11/1: "Thank You Adama Barrow" Holiday Special (6.5 million views)
- 11/8: Ghost Possession Beatdown (4.6 million views)
- 11/15: Fight to the Death 1 (3.1 million views)
- 11/22: Fight to the Death 2 (4.9 million views)
After the fourth episode, Aisha Mankita revealed to the public that she was pregnant with the child of either Yosef or Aleksey, much to the shock of the audience.
Aleksey and Yosef were shocked to realize that they both had mated with Aisha within the time frame, so they could not prove who the father really was. Several wizards, including Leroy Ginseng, could have found out easily, but they decided it would be best for the plot of the show to leave it up in the air.
By the last episode, Aleksey ahd won four of the battles and Yosef had won three. They both were filled with moderately high levels of extra fertility, and battled to the death on November 22nd, 2018. Aleksey used his signature move, Bean Strangle Power Surge , and nearly had Yosef pinned. Yosef managed to recoil and absolutely bamboozled his cousin by successfully carrying out a dimension phase for a moment and striking Aleksey from behind with Yethkin Fury . Aleksey was vaporized and his soul found its way to the Realm of the Dead .
The crowd went absolutely wild. Fireworks boomed, the Gambian national anthem played, followed by a victory rap by Big Money Gambia (he had written songs or both if either had won) called "You Did It Yosef My Man " (which ended up topping the Gambia Billboard charts for the following six months). Yosef was proclaimed the winner of the Gambian Holiday. He recieved a 5000 Dalasi ($100 USD) cash prize and Aisha Mankita's official monogamy. He was also taken off the Gambia's blacklist.
Neither Yosef nor Aisha were happy, however, as they both truly loved Aleksey. The couple moved to a studio apartment along the oceanic beach of Bakau in December. They tried to forget what had happened, but Aisha loved Aleksey more than she ever loved Yosef and she knew it. Yosef felt no gratification in permanently losing his cousin, and only looked forward to the idea of having a son or daughter to raise with his true Gambian wife. Yosef was offered positions in the Hallowed Council of Severe Thunderstorms and FraPPUCCiNO , but he turned them both down. He either wanted to operate alone and live a normal life or become a Coffee Haus Mage.
With Aleksey gone, the underground coffee market suffered. Coffee Haus 10 was discovered by Gambian troops in January of 2019. Mr. Sioux Red could not protect it because the Gambian police chief Benedict Almami was an undercover REPTILE who used Quantum Icing to lock Red's fertility in time. With Red's fertility stuck in the past, he could not use any superlative abilities to prevent the seizure of the biggest bastion of coffee left in the Gambia. Now with no underground source of coffee in the Gambia, tension continued to rise in thee nation. Soon the smiling coast would no longer be so smiley.
The Dark Knight (The Coffee Strikes Back) (2019)
"Dark were the nights, stale were the days; here in the Gambia, we have lost the way" - Big Money Gambia
After a peaceful few months in Yosef's new life, the conditions for the people of the Gambia were rapidly deteriorating. The Coffee Liberation Front was now the second most powerful political party in the Gambia next to the Decaf Squad.
Aisha's child was born in June of 2019, and tests revealed that he was actually Aleksey's son. The child was named Bean Pivovarov . Yosef was further traumatized from this, and wanted to impregnate Aisha himself. Before this could happen, Yosef and his family were invited to Hollywood, California to see the series premiere of Jeffrey Meena's newest show, GamBaby Jam ALL STAR EDITION.
There at the premiere was a large sum of people involved with the Gambian Coffee War that had befriended Jeffrey Meena over the years, and also some who had been through much trauma involving Meena's shenanigans. Several prominent politicians were attending the event as well, mostly those involved with the Skull and Bones Order. Jeffrey claimed that this was a time to bring people together and "preserve the interests of all." The audience included Warlord Wife Buba, Rabo, Juanito Romanov, Jamon Romanov, Cerrita Gatita Romanov, Jill Meena, Leroy Ginseng, Yellow Ken, Big Money Gambia, Hillary Clinton, Mitch McConnell, Anderson Cooper, Alex Jones, Iced Mondatta, Mocha Mondatta, David Branx, Kelley Ann Romanov, Karl Marx Gurevich, Silvia Hesturn, Stefan DeGrassi, and dozens of imported Gambian children to fill the audience.
The premiere featured the art of 4-year old Gambian rapper Bastard Son Buba. Things took a dark turn when the exits were blocked by the bodyguards of the politicians and an electromagnetic field developed around the room. This field was a time rift that beamed through Earth's reality, trapping all extrafertiles within the room. Jeffrey then began to drain the fertility of Bastard Son Buba. The Gambian children in the audience were captured by bodyguards and certain undiscerned magicians. Several members of the audience responded in horror, and as Jeffrey Meena completed the Mandelbrot transfer of Bastard Son Buba, he used his augmented power to force the audience members into their seats. He told them that the potent fertility of Gambian children was the only source powerful enough to give Jeffrey the strength to become the president of the United States to defeat the Crimson Bean.
As forces began to pull young Bean from Yosef's arms, Anderson Cooper uncloaked himself, revealing himself to be a REPTILE in disguise. Jeffrey was attempting to telekinetically stow the Gambian children away, and because of this Rabo was forced to fend off the REPTILE. He did this by crafting Pion Walls out of source revisions. The REPTILE Anderson Cooper was then struck down by the other politicians. Yosef used his fertile abilities to untangle "his" son from the grasp of Jeffrey. Mixed in the panic was Iced Mondatta, trying to rescue his son Mocha from the same grip. Yosef lunged to assist Iced Mondatta, whose fertility was not strong enough to do so himself. Jeffrey shouted to Yosef that this was the only way, and in retaliation threw Aisha into the time rift barrier along the wall of the building. After a massive energy shift, Aisha was turned to a False Reflection and was nearly killed. Yosef, who was already holding Bean, had to turn back and reel in horror as his Gambian wife was altered. Jeffrey personally walked up to Iced Mondatta's son and took away his fertility with his bare hand.
Jamon Romanov tried to escape but was knocked out by Yellow Ken and had his ferility iced.
Kelley Ann Gurevich tried to get Aisha Mankita to safety, but Karl Gurevich pushed her and she fell onto Aisha's false reflection body, vaporizing both of them.
Leroy Ginseng, who was originally in on Jeffrey's scheme, could no longer sit still and watch the unfolding brutality. He released a large wave of energy that undid Rabo's force field. The room was heavily shaken by the interacting radiations. Yosef (with Bean) and Iced (with Mocha) used this window to escape from the live studio. Jeffrey used his energy to throw Leroy to the ground, and Rabo rewrote Leroy's source to contribute his energy to Rabo's indefinitely. Jeffrey reminded the remaining crowd that the Friendly Council is everyone's real enemy, and that they must do whatever it takes to remove the Crimson Bean's grasp on this world. Yellow Ken turned against Jeffrey as well, beckoning 불 개 to this plane. 불 개 tore Jeffrey's grip from Leroy, but Leroy was already badly weakened by Rabo's revision.
Juanito tried to rescue his son, but Cerrita and Jill grabbed his arms and begged him not to defy Jeffrey. Yellow Ken noticed this and apologized for icing Jamon's fertility.
불 개 threatened Jeffrey but Rabo was able to temporarily shift himself and 불 개 to the unsustainable dimension +1.57i, "killing" 불 개 and leaving Rabo unharmed. Jeffrey asked everybody in the room if their quarrels were finished. Nobody responded.
Many of those at the premiere would go on to work on Jeffrey's presidential campaign. After the premiere, Big Money Gambia attempted to strike up conversation with the members of the Dmitriy Heaven Club, but he realized that they were staunchly anti-coffee. He warned Jeffrey's daughter Jill that her father was secretly using coffee to gain most of his power. Jill responded by punching him in the face. Big Money Gambia would later write a song called "Jeffrey Meena Loves Coffee". While she was indeed outraged by this, the group continued to stay aligned with Jeffrey's cause in that the Crimson Bean was more of an existential threat that needed to be dealt with.
Yosef and Iced Mondatta made their way to the ocean and snuck aboard a ferry to Catalina Island, where Iced supposedly had a "pirate ship" hidden somewhere to take him back to the Gmbia. After remarking on the propituous location of Catalina Island, Iced offered to take Yosef and Bean back to the Gambia with him. At first, Yosef agreed, but things changed when he reeeed a phone call on his hip new Blackberry; it was his mother Anna Romanov, who told Yosef that Rada was not in good shape, and it appeared that she had been poisoned.
Funeral For A Queen (Another One Bites The Dust) (2019)
Meanwhile, BOB had left Bjorn Lopez in charge of protecting Arlington National Cemetery after hearing of the deteriorating health of Mr. Sioux Red. He travelled to the Gambia via the RSS Pivovarov and met him in the Bansang Hospital up river from Burong. Red, being nearly 200 years old, depended nearly completely on his massive amounts of fertility to keep himself alive, and without it he was rapidly collapsing. BOB comforted Mr. Sioux Red, recounting memories of the Battle of -13i+1985j, and then promised him that he would get his fertility back from the Imaginary Plane. Sioux Red told BOB not to waste his time, that he was done, but BOB refused to let his friend go in such a way. He knew that a fight with the Timeless Beings would be dangerous, and possibly fatal, so he decided to take Sioux Red to Omsk where he would have easy access to fertile coffee, and BOB could say goodbye to the two people he cared most about-- Anna Romanov and Rada K. Romanov.
When BOB and Sioux Red arrived in Omsk, Anna and Rada rejoiced and had a large feast prepared. All of the food was crafted by the Gurevich Starbucks employees. Sioux Red was given an IV and several coffees, and was placed in a wheelchair during the feast. There he gave his condolences to Rada for the loss of Aleksey. Rada did not know that Aleksey had been killed, and she was shocked. She began to panic, and asked how. Sioux Red, in a very loopy and unhinged sickly state, openly said that Yosef had killed him. Now Anna and Rada both panicked, and Rada soon collapsed on the ground. Anna called her son on her hip new Nokia and told him that his grandmother had been poisoned.
BOB was now trying to take care of a dying Rada and a dying Mr. Sioux Red, and he knew very well that a Mandelbrot Transfer on his part would put the entire world at risk with the Crimson Bean ruling America. It took Yosef three weeks to get from Hollywood to Omsk. By then, Rada was in her last moments.
Yosef embraced her, and her last words were "Yosef, this is not your fault, it was coffee that brought us here... I should have given the farms to you or your cousin Aleks..." and she was gone. BOB(taking care of Sioux Red and her) and Anna were there to see. BOB was struck with such nostalgic sadness, crying about how "she called [their] time together 'The Bad Days'" and he temporarily let go of his grip on Sioux Red's body. Sioux Red quickly began to die as well, so, to ensure that he would end up in the Realm of the Dead at least, BOB betrayed his responsibility to the world and transferred just a few fertilities into Sioux Red, making him just fertile enough to continue his consciousness on the other side. Rada, however, was not inherently extrafertile, and she could not be saved.
Anna interpreted Rada's last words as a warning that she actually had been poisoned by a Gurevich conspiracy, rather than what she had said just to be nice to Yosef earlier. She began to pack for a trip to America to sue Starbucks for the poisoning of Rada K. Romanov.
BOB and Yosef had now both lost nearly everything that they loved in this world. Yosef had full intentions on becoming a dark knight, and BOB assumed he had already been one for some time even though he secretly was now more emotionally damaged than ever before. Yosef told BOB he was coming with him to the Imaginary Plane to salvage Sioux Red's frozen fertility. At first BOB denied, but he knew he could not keep someone with Kepelkeker blood from his destiny. Yosef gave Bean Pivovarov to his mother and told her to take care of him, for Aisha. BOB and Yosef linked arms and entered the Imaginary Plane, and at that same moment, they entered The Worst Days.
Rada's funeral attracted thousands of people from all over the Omsk area, and the nation entered a long month of mourning.