Who Killed Mung Brigham?
Investigation Into the Murder of James Monroe Brigham
| Date | May 11th, 2021–May 21st, 2021 |
| Location | Miami, Florida |
| Death Toll | 5 |
| Context | 2020 election, Coffee Wars |
| Perpetrator | The Chair |
| Involved | Friendly Council, Hallowed Council of Severe Thunderstorms, Stressed Out Society, Miami Police Department, Scooby Pals |
On May 11th, 2021, Mung Brigham exploded while playing Fortnite. Some suspected it to be a case of spontaneous human combustion, but soon evidence of the presence of another being began to show signs of verity.
The Event
At 2:35 AM on May 11th, 2021, young Florida Mormon boy Mung Brigham was embracing his dropping out from the University of Central Florida by leaving his Adelheid Smith body pillow on his bed and playing some of his favorite, yet no longer relevant, video game, Fortnite. Frustrated that he was unfairly killed in-game, Mung began angrily typing a small essay into the game chat. After pressing the space bar particularly hard, something changed in the room.
The clock on his wall ticked backwards.
The paint on the wall changed from green to blue.
His once unmade bed suddenly arranged itself.
Mung exploded.
The Next Day 5/12/2021
The next day, at the INDIAHELP Call Center in downtown Miami, the newly-graduated friend group consisting of Love Electra, Jolyne Joyce Johnston, and Suzie Quarantino Kepelkeker entered the office to see on a silent TV screen the news that that one incel kid from high school, Mung Brigham, was found dead after a case of supposed spontaneous combustion.
Manager Shelby Corleone informed the members of the office that they were not allowed to watch developments on the case on television, nor were they allowed to discuss the case whatsoever. This profoundly confused and intrigued the three friends. During lunch, Kyle Mendez approached them, claiming to have information on the issue. He told a story of being "The Chosen One," which bored his audience. Kyle claimed it was essentially linked to Mung's death. He invited the three friends to the scene of the crime after work.
Meanwhile at RETCON Headquarters 5/12/2021
Meanwhile, at a Dairy Queen in Key West, six shadowy figures from the Stressed Out Society (SOS) ordered Blizzards and sat down at a small dirty table to discuss their recent procurement of the Miami Beach Convention Center for May 20th, 2021. There would take place a convention there that would enact their master plan, and call it the RETCON. A seventh figure entered the room, appearing to have succeeded with a related mission.
Crime and Punishment 5/12/2021
The Brigham House was surrounded by police tape. The investigators told Love, Jolyne, Suzie, and Kyle, that there was nothing to see, and to leave now. After Love told the head investigator that they were friends of Mung's, they were allowed to see the room where he died. They found the scene with the burnt remains of a laptop computer. A painting fell from the wall and shattered. The glass shattered and the image inside was that of George Bush with pitch black eyes. The leader of the investigation approached, Morris Morrissey. He peered over the shoulders of Kyle and Love and proceeded to announce that the investigation was off-limits to "friends of the deceased."
Confused, the group left. Kyle invited the others to hang out at his apartment, but they all declined the offer.
While walking home, Jolyne, Suzie, and Love stopped at Starbucks. They were disappointed to find that every Starbucks in the area had "recalled all but decaf coffee beans until further notice." They soon noticed they were being watched by several suited figures in the store. They picked up their decaf iced coffees and attempted to leave, but the door was blocked off by Morris Morrissey himself. He asked Jolyne why she was connected both to Mung Brigham and the INDIAHELP Call Center. She responded "coincidence, and I don't need to answer to you." He disagreed, and tried to handcuff her, but Love used her sterile prosthetic arm to destroy the handcuffs. While Morissey was confused, the girls attempted to make a break for the other exit, and had to fight through several other detectives. Love desperately tried not to injure anyone so she could avoid legal consequences. The detectives seemed to let them go pretty easily, and Morrissey did not seem concerned.
Kyle Mendez made it to his apartment with no hassle. Upon entering his room, he found a figure standing in the room that quickly vanished. Dissatisfied with his existence, he ignored this.
Closed for Investigation 5/13/2021
The next day, the girls came to work at INDIAHELP to find the entire building "Closed for Investigation." They immediately assumed it was due to unethical practices of some sort, but a paper on the door read "Police Investigation Under Way."
Kyle and his friend Sleuthclaw Seascale approached them with the news that something wasn't right in the world. Everyone agreed to this, considering their place of work was apparently connected to the murder. Sleuthclaw said it was different than this, that he had some sort of "otherworldly connection due to being a furry." After Love, Suzie, and Jolyne finished laughing, he continued to explain that he was just informed that the Miami FURCON lost its booking at the Miami Beach Convention Center to a mysterious group having some kind of nostalgia convention called the RETCON. Again, nobody understood what he was talking about, and after Kyle mentioned that it might have something to do with being The Chosen One, the group waited awkwardly for the conversation to end before heading off.
Inside, Shelby Corleone stood tapping her foot impatiently while Chief Morrissey had his six agents perusing through the Call Center's financial records. Morrissey stood up, as if noticing something. One of the agents, Tony Escudos, shouted that he "found it," that it being the files on the clientel of the INDIAHELP Call Center. A large folder with all the contact information for Coffee Haus 9, and its manager, BaSa Cherry. Morrissey smiled, and then said
"Alright, that's all we need. Take her into custody. We'll need a spectacle for our guests outside."
The doors of the call center opened with Tony and another officer dragging Shelby Corleone into a police car. Morrissey followed shortly after, and gave Love and Jolyne a smug look. He said to Jolyne "you're my new number one suspect" as he walked by. Suzie used her ability to make things see-through with a gust of wind, and made Morrissey's briefcase, and his pants, invisible. She noticed the file labelled "Coffee Haus 9." A crowd of people simultaneously began laughing at and calling for the doxxing of the transparently-panted detective, and Suzie took this opportunity to have Love end the matter of the briefcase and steal its contents.
Morrissey was briefly distracted, and the girls took this opportunity to run away. Kyle and Sleuthclaw shuffled after them. Quickly his pants returned and the briefcase didn't. He knew that it had to be the work of that Suzie Q and Jolyne.
After hiding at a windowless corner of the building, the 5 knew they needed a place to hide from the police. Suzie showed them the file, and told them that Coffee Haus 9 was involved in the investigation. This stunned Jolyne, whose parents ran Gucci Bean Haus. They called an Uber and were driven over to Gucci Bean Haus along the coast.
Jolyne unlocked the door of the store/home to find her father, Stevie "Wonder" Johnston, blowing up one of 37 Pesci inflatable sex dolls. Stevie tried to justify his actions as a "response to the tough times getting coffee from the Gambia." Jolyne asked where her mother was, and after some mumbling and shaking, Anne "ナ" Johnston burst out of the pile of Pesci dolls, coated in sweat. She immediately noticed her niece-in-law Suzie and attempted to hug her but Suzie awkwardly rejected the offer. Anne then announced that there were snacks in the kitchen, and guests upstairs.
Kyle was extremely hyped about the situation, desperately trying to come up with a name for "the gang," so Jolyne led him and Sleuthclaw to the snacks. Suzie and Jolyne went upstairs and Love stayed with Kyle and Sleuthclaw to see if they had any redeeming characteristics.
Upstairs, in the bedroom that was once Jolyne's, Suzie found her half-brother-in-law and cousin-in-law, Aleksey Pivovarov Requiem and Yosef Romanov. Also there was an old lady she didn't know, and all three were playing with a small child. The old woman was the first to greet Jolyne and Suzie, mostly with confusion.
Aleksey greeted his sister-in-law coldly, and Yosef ignored her to play with Bean.
Aleksey knew why they were there, or at least so he claimed. He asked what they knew about the RETCON.
Jolyne visibly facepalmed. She called for Kyle, Sleuthclaw, and Love to come upstairs. Kyle and Sleuthclaw rushed upstairs as fast as their odd bodies could.
Yosef was in America to try and persuade his mother against bringing the Starbucks vs. Romanov case to the Supreme Court, and to watch Aleksey's son Bean while she didn't listen.
Aleksey was in Miami specifically because he's lost sign of his step-grandfather, BOB. Apparently a few days earlier they were hanging out at Arlington National Cemetery together and some mysterious woman appeared and told BOB that there was a legitimate chance to take down his enemies after all these years. She invited Aleksey as well, to Miami's Convention Center to witness an event called the RETCON.
Sleuthclaw explained his connection and Kyle excitedly told Aleksey that he was told by a mysterious old woman that he was the "Chosen One."
A knock came on the door, the police.
Aleksey joined them, attempting to leave through the upstairs window. There were cops waiting below the upstairs window. They went downstairs through the Pesci dolls towards the patio and dock, but there were cops in the RSS Valentin. A shout from outside said "I can see everything you're doing, you know," and proceeded to go on a long tangent about how ugly Kyle was, pointing out every specific gesticulation he made as he was shamed in front of his "friends."
Jolyne sighed and opened up the door. Morris Morrissey was standing there with about 12 other cops behind him. Jolyne put her hands in handcuff position and walked out with the police.
Aleksey looked at the others, confused. Love said that Jolyne probably knew what she was doing, giving the rest of the group an opportunity to find BOB and potentially solve the mystery.
On the Road Again 5/14/2021
A 2003 Chevy Tahoe drove along Highway 1 North. Inside, the members of the Stressed out Society watched Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties on the ceiling's DVD player. Hatuey and three others chuckled along to the wacky antics of the implications of a royal Garfield, while the driver and the passenger in the front sat silently and determinedly. The passenger, Super BOB, knew that this wasn't going to work unless The Chosen One knew exactly what to do.
What appeared to be a meteor came hurling from the sky, but then split into several distinct particles before landing and blocking the highway. The S.O.S. S.U.V. stopped quickly, and everyone in the back sighed as the jolt messed up the car's speakers. BOB and the driver shared eye contact as if they both knew what was going on, before a small army of Indian children smoldering with astral flames began pounding against every part of the car, putting dents and cracks much larger than what should have been possible. Their eyes were a faded white and oozing with some kind of fluid. From several cars ahead, a figure began walking across telekinetic platforms of what appeared to be cocaine, with arms raised as if to the tune of a fanfare. BOB no longer knew what was going on.
The driver did still know what was going on. Unphased by the rabid children, she opened her door and stepped out of the car, literally stepping upon the faces of the children. The cocaine and children man, Howard Wolowitz, approached the driver of the S.O.S. S.U.V, Bahulaprema Sankaracharya. The two began to do battle in and above the highway, with Howard Wolowitz flinging his cocaine and children and BaSa creating condensed chunks of matter and hurling them at sonic boom-tier speeds. Eventually, the two came to a stalemate. Howard announced that he was in the Americas doing child-related business with Super Epstein and Jeffrey Meena, and made a weak joke about dealing with people named Jeffrey, but he sensed BaSa's presence and decided to attempt to take down a third bird with the same proverbial stone. BaSa mentioned how she was going to have to call INDIAHELP and get a direct line to Coffee Haus 9 to inform her workers that the Guardians of the Galaxy were weak. Howard told her that it would be useless, because INDIAHELP got shut down the day before. BaSa retracted herself from the interaction and got back into the car as the feral children tumbled back towards Howard and became a meteor again.
Knowing that somebody was onto their RETCON plans for INDIAHELP to get closed down at such a convenient time, they needed to hurry to Miami to contain the situation. The SOSSUV drove up to some open flames from where Howard's meteor had destroyed a car. BOB augmented the flames and opened a portal to Gucci Bean Haus, they only place in Miami that he knew.
After appearing in the driveway of Gucci Bean Haus, BaSa gave the group orders, including encharging BOB and Hatuey with a very important task.
Tomorrow Never Knows But I Do 5/15/2021
Morrissey grew frustrated as his interrogation of Jolyne yielded no results, since she literally knew nothing about what was going on or how a call center's client records could have to do with some Fortnite weeb from high school exploded in his gaming chair. Jolyne knew, however, that her legitimate innocence (other than allegedly stealing evidence) would buy the others time while they figured out what was actually going on.
Kyle exited his apartment's bathroom only to see the same shadowy figure as before. But this time, the moving shadowy figure was joined by one that stood tall and still. The first figure finally stopped moving. Kyle stuttered and asked if this was happening because he was the Chosen One. Super BOB replied with a yes. Kyle turned on the lights to reveal his and Hatuey's faces. Kyle's eyes lit up when he saw Hatuey, as he asked her desperately what his powers were so he could fit into the Scooby Pals. (He came up with that name for the group without consulting the others, because Scooby-Doo solved mysteries but "Mystery Incorporated" would probably be trademarked already). Super BOB was visibly angered that Hatuey hadn't told Kyle what his purpose was. Hatuey apologized, she just forgot.
She told Kyle:
"Your ability is to repair broken pieces of the universe, like space, time, spacetime, stuff. But also you're gonna have nonstop bad luck because, like, entropy... The universe's most neutral state is to to not exist at all, so you're kinda going against the whole... ya know. Natural order or disorder, or lack of the concept of order, or whatever. You're the Chosen One because you can basically put the coding of spacetime back together without having to, like, read the fine print."
BOB was impressed by the lack of clarity about source coming from someone who rides around time and causality like a quarter-operated moose ride outside of Dollar Tree.
Super BOB then tried to convince Kyle to join their cause to free the universe by explaining as best as he could the nature of 𒀭, and how the combined talents of the Stressed out Society could actually undo the process of fate and undermine HIS control of this universe, but only keep the universe running if they had Kyle's power to stitch everything back together without the need for high-profile source-users finding out. Super BOB began describing the specifics but Aleksey broke down Kyle's door with a swift kick.
Hatuey received a vision of the future about ten seconds in the future and then adjusted her position in the present by about three feet to the left in order to prevent her from being injured.
Aleksey and Love entered the room. Aleksey commanded Kyle not to listen to Super BOB. BOB became angered that his grandson and companion was disagreeing with him on something like this. Aleksey said that what little he knew about RETCON, it was an idea that could destroy the universe, or bring in enough Friendly Council members to cause a commotion with a big death toll. BOB claimed it was unconscionable for him to sit on the sideline for an opportunity to make amends for his biggest failure. A debate ensued over the nature of causality and how reversing the universe and killing 𒀭 would just create a more chaotic and unstable future. Nobody really made any ground, they just disagreed and fought with each other until Kyle raised his hand and asked if this was still his decision to make. Aleksey and BOB went silent. Love tried to persuade Kyle not to join the SOS, because if the universe reset and he became some kind of god, they never would have met. This almost persuaded Kyle, but then he thought a second about his incessant mediocrity and the mockery he has always received for trying to do anything interesting, and he pointed at BOB and Hatuey.
Aleksey knew he couldn't fight BOB, especially as Super BOB, but Love dove headfirst towards him. BOB moved his head to the left, throwing Love's sterile arm right onto Hatuey's right arm, which began to dissolve. BOB quickly put his hand on Hatuey's shoulder and edited her source briefly to not be fully eliminated by sterile matter. Most of Hatuey's right arm was still gone, but she winced and declared that the spot she moved to after her vision was the one that would have caused the least damage in the situation. Love retracted her decision to fight them after this and walked back over to Aleksey, defeated. BOB again preached to Aleksey that for years, they've fought many enemies, but they've always really been fighting the Friendly Council as a whole. Aleksey told BOB that he would always fight the members of the Friendly Council doing evil to the world, but risking angering the being that could end the universe with a thought was the biggest waste of time he'd ever heard of.
Sleuthclaw and Suzie Q join the FURCON Protest 5/15/2021
Outside the Miami Beach Convention Center, a group of furries and some ex-FUR-Es gathered with picket signs to protest the Convention Center trading their FURCON for RETCON. The moon was full. Sleuthclaw and Suzie approached with caution, expecting something bizarre to happen. Sleuthclaw informs Suzie that in the midst of all these mortal furries there are most likely some actual ex-FUR-Es like him who would most likely know about anything supernatural going on around this protest. Suzie decided to take a more direct approach by walking up to a furry, making his mask invisible with her breeze, and literally asking them if they knew of any supernatural occurrences going on around here. They responded that there was, and they began to move. After following them away from the bulk of the crowd, they found a homeless man named Skinny Lou sitting in a pile of soiled newspapers, exuding a smell of rotten eggs. He was holding a brick. When Suzie approached him, he stood up and put the brick up to her face and said "Ayo you gotta hit me n' the head with this brick! Right now!" Suzie asked why, and he responded that if he got knocked out he would be able to experience "the dream world n' see the truth of the universe." After some brief hesitation, Suzie took the brick from Skinny Lou and whomped him in the temple with the brick. Skinny fell to the ground like a ragdoll, and was definitely not breathing, probably dead.
By the time the brick landed on the ground a half-second later, it was no longer a brick. It was now a sponge. While Sleuthclaw looked at Skinny in horror, Suzie had moved on to investigate the apparent transformation of the brick into a sponge.
She told Sleuthclaw that something strange might actually be going on. She moved back into the crowd, and Sleuthclaw followed. In the crowd, a short person passed between some furries and dropped a quarter on the ground. By the time Suzie picked it up, it was a penny.
Suzie stayed towards the ground and whispered to Sleuthclaw, asking him if he had any powers. Sleuthclaw responded, "Well, I'm a FUR-E." Suzie acknowledged this, and then asked again if he had any powers. Sleutchlaw awkwardly shook his head.
"Shit." -- Suzie Q Kepelkeker
Suzie looked around, sliding through the crowd of angry furries. She witnessed a short figure darting between the protesters. Annoyed, she created a gust of wind that turned all the furries' costumes invisible. A few of their costumes didn't become invisible. She went in to investigate. Mass panic ensued among the protesters, who were now seeing each other unmasked. Suzie approached the visible furries. She approached one with the head of Moonman and asked it to identify itself. She got no answer and then approached the lion-headed one next to it and tried pulling off the mask. But it appeared that it wasn't a mask. Both figures promptly disappeared in a beam of bright light. The final visible furry took off his mask, revealing a young Chinese man, Dong Fan. He was visibly shocked by the disappearance of the other FUR-Es, as was Sleuthclaw Seascale in the distance. Dong Fan ran away, and Suzie chased him. Dong went through the door of a souvenir shop by pushing it. Suzie arrived and slammed into the door, as it was now a pull-door. She got off the ground and tried to pull the door, but it was a push-door again. Suzie didn't want to break the window and risk being arrested. Suzie made the entrance to the shop invisible, and saw Dong Fan hiding behind a spinning rack of keychains.
Suzie shouted through the invisible door, asking what Dong was afraid of the FUR-Es for. He replied "We all should be." Sleuthclaw approached Suzie, and told her that he knew the faces of those FUR-Es, and that there was reason to be afraid. Dong Fan crept out from behind the rack, and Sleuthclaw told him that he wasn't one of them anymore. Dong Fan asked Sleuthclaw if he was a friend of Kyle Mendez, and when he responded affirmative, Dong Fan opened the door and walked outside with them, looking around, panicked. He saw a bench, and asked if that bench was there before. Nobody remembered.
The Big Bang Theory 5/15/2021
Shelby Corleone looked up as the door to her holding cell opened. Morrissey entered with a smug look on his face. Shortly after, Howard Wolowitz walked in and waved. Morrissey, acting clever, announced the business connection between these two individuals. Shelby had never seen Howard Wolowitz in person, and was very confused. Morrissey told Shelby not to act dumb, she had to know "that the universe is at stake." Shelby had no idea that the universe could even be at stake. Howard was offended by this, asking if Shelby was even listening to the subject matter of many of the call center calls, which were frequently about warranties, returns, and insurance policies on stolen magic coffee, fertile children, and cocaine shipments. Shelby reluctantly admitted to hearing these conversations but was, again, confused as to how this could possibly relate to the potential end of the universe, or for that matter, the death of some incel Fortnite gamer.
"You must understand Ma'am that Coffee Haus 9 is going to reset the universe to 9/11." --Howard Wolowitz
Morrissey wondered why Jolyne seemed to know more than Shelby, so he left the room and brought Jolyne over. Jolyne walked in, unamused, and asked what was going on. Morrissey suddenly perked up in fear, telling everyone that something's gone wrong. The ceiling bent inward before curling and peeling open, revealing BaSa Cherry and another woman. Morrissey screamed at them, asking how they could have shown up without him noticing; as there were "windows everywhere." The second woman responded that she saw "the circuit of information leading through the windows and moved it." BaSa then proceeded to lift Morrissey off the ground, lowering his personal gravity, causing the molecules in his body to lose association with one another, and asked him who he served. Morrissey, in a panic, responded that he was a Hallowed Council wizard, serving Miami in protection against the Friendly Council and its REPTILEs. Shelby was now convinced she was losing her mind, and began nervously laughing.
Jolyne was also quite confused, and asked who these floating ladies were. They responded that they were Bhulaprema Sankaracharya and Penelope Al3ph.
Self Help 5/15/2021
Back in Kyle's apartment, the stubbornness of Aleksey and Super BOB heated up. Love pushed Hatuey into a corner. Super BOB told Hatuey to teleport away, but Hatuey did not. BOB was disappointed that Aleksey was going against him. Aleksey did not back down, and eventually BOB broke down and demanded Aleksey to step down and let his destiny be achieved. Kyle looked to Love and asked her if she was willing to kill people.
"I guess; it depends how serious this is going to get. I'm sure as hell not gonna bow down to some super Kyle." -- Love Electra
Love was quickly reminded by everyone that that's not how you become a Super Ghost. Love then swung her sterile arm towards BOB but it was frozen before it could hit him. BOB stood up and towered over her, saying he could easily write her out of existence before he'd let a sterile object touch him. Hatuey walked away from her corner and whispered into Kyle's ear. Kyle then stood up and put his hand on BOB's shoulder, as Love watched literally frozen.
Kyle said to BOB, "Teach me, and show me my destiny." BOB then began a Mandelbrot Transfer from him to Kyle Mendez. Kyle began to glow with fertile energy. Between his fingertips small voids came in and out of existence. He told Love that his life of being underappreciated is over, and in the new world, starting a little over a year ago, he will be the hero that keeps reality together. He then went on about how amazing the Scooby Pals would be with him in charge. Aleksey demanded BOB to let Love go.
"And I demand you to honor the sacrifices of Sioux Red and your grandmother Rada. I always liked you better than Yosef, but now you're being a brat. You suck the schlong of the Friendly Council, my grandson." -- BOB
Love was released from BOB's spatial locking. BOB then joined hands with Kyle and Hatuey and vanished in a swirl of flames, leaving Kyle's apartment burning down. Aleksey and Love clambered out of the room. Love destroyed any doors in the way of their escape, and by the time they existed the building, the entire complex was fully engulfed in flames. This would mark the third of Kyle's apartments destroyed since he was announced to be the Chosen One.
In the afternoon sky above the flames, the full moon was met with a dark array of clouds, and there in the sky accumulated Crescent Mani, The Löwe, and Björn Lopez. There they met and discussed their options, now that it was known that the Stressed Out Society was now nearly fully equipped to initiate their rebellion against the universe. With Kyle Mendez in cahoots with the SOS, the risk of the end of their timeline was becoming a serious reality. They needed to speak with Teshub to arrange an escape plan as soon as possible, but their signals were met with no reply. They knew he must have been disguised as someone else at this point.
Jailbreak 5/15/2021
Super BOB, Hatuey, and Kyle Mendez appeared in the jail cell, witnessing BaSa Cherry and Penelope Al3ph about to attack Howard Wolowitz, while Shelby Corleone, Jolyne Johnston, and Morris Morrissey watched in the corner. Jolyne vaguely recognized BOB from her early childhood, something related to her parents' business. BOB briefly made eye contact with Jolyne before approaching BaSa Cherry. Morrissey pulled out his gun and pointed it at the three who just appeared. Kyle ducked, but Super BOB and Hatuey proceeded without reacting. BOB informed BaSa that The Chosen One had joined them. This worried Jolyne, and she began walking towards Kyle, before Morrissey pointed the gun at her. BOB approached Morrissey and threatened him with his flaming hands, causing Morrisey to shake and ask what side BOB was fighting on behalf of, and BOB responded that he was working to save the universe. Morrissey gave a sigh of relief but then realized that that didn't really answer the question.
Shelby interrupted everyone and demanded to know if the subject matter at hand involved her at all, if anyone even cared about the actual death of Mung Brigham, and if she could go home. Morrissey was about to give a confident answer before BOB, Hatuey, BaSa, Howard, and Penelope all responded that they knew who killed Mung, and that it wasn't important anymore. Morrissey lowered his gun in absolute confusion, and he asked how it wasn't important anymore. BOB responded
"Mung was just the catalyst, his death had to happen in order for our plans to succeed."
Howard commented that his death also interrupted in his business affairs, which was, in his words, "an extra 'screw you'."
"So the whole mystery just doesn't matter?" --Jolyne Johnston
"It mattered, but in the grand scheme of things it was a pretty small variable." -- BaSa Cherry
"So who did it?" -- Morris Morrissey
Everyone looked at each other. BaSa and Penelope walked over to BOB, Hatuey, and Kyle.
"We'll leave that up to you, it seems to have been keeping you busy." -- Penelope Al3ph.
BOB created a portal of flames. Kyle waved at Jolyne before entering the portal.
"Sorry Jolyne. Maybe you'll like me better next time you see me, back in September." -- Kyle Mendez
Now the only ones left in the room were Jolyne, Shelby, Morris, and Howard. Shelby asked if she could go home and reopen her business. Morris sat down on the floor and nodded. Shelby left. Jolyne asked Howard who killed Mung. Howard didn't know who exactly did it, but the murder was committed on behalf of Coffee Haus 9 because Mung was on the Deep Web looking into buying a wife from గెలాక్సీ సంరక్షకులు, and coincidentally he was close enough to Kyle and Jolyne that they somehow knew that killing Mung would have started the chain of events necessary to give Kyle the confidence to help them reset the universe.
Morris continued to sit on the floor quietly. A cell phone rang, and Jolyne recognized it as her ringtone. Morris gave the phone to Jolyne; it was a call from Love. Love told Jolyne that she and Aleksey failed to stop Kyle from joining a group bent on resetting the universe to "make up for some old guy's insecurities." They arranged to meet at Gucci Bean Haus to discuss what to do. Jolyne asked Morris if he wanted to come with her to Gucci Bean Haus. He nodded, then looked up to Howard and asked "What about him?"
"I'll come with you, but you must understand, I am not a good guy. Like, I sell children. And drugs. I sell them to powerful people too. We have a common goal, to keep this universe the way it is. But I'm not going to cooperate with any law enforcement. So, Mr. Detective, you are law enforcement, so you need to promise to just turn a blind eye to my career choices. Okay?" -- Howard Wolowitz
Morris agreed; the risk was too high to worry about moral concerns. As the three walked out of the jail, Jolyne tried calling Suzie but she didn't pick up the phone.
Afternoon With Destiny 5/15/2021
At the furry protest, Dong Fan began yelling at a bench on the side of the Convention Center's courtyard. Dong told Suzie and Sleuthclaw to back up in case the bench was The Chair trying to kill them, as Dong didn't want to harm any friends of The Chosen One. Dong changed the bench into a gaming chair that looked very similar to the one in Mung Brigham's room. Dong was still not satisfied, saying that The Chair could just as easily have shapeshifted into that gaming chair at the right time. Suzie noticed the similarity of the gaming chair to Mung's, and she immediately asked Dong if he was the one who killed Mung Brigham. Dong grew concerned, and asked why Suzie would assume that. Suzie's phone began to ring, so she silenced it in her pocket. Suzie told Dong that she's seen that exact chair at the crime scene. Dong explained that he didn't want Kyle or his friends to see the crime scene so as to not create negative emotions towards the cause. Suzie pulled her phone out of her pocket and found a series of text messages from Love and Jolyne.
Dong changed Suzie's phone to be backwards in her hand, causing Suzie to drop it. Dong picked it up and read the message from Love Electra "hey kyles lost it, he touched an old man and became a bitch, meet us at gucci bean haus asap ily bb."
By the time Suzie reacted to this, the bench behind them was gone, and four arms grabbed her from behind. It was the Chair in their physical form - a woman with a man connected to her from behind, both dressed in elegant French clothes, and both holding Suzie by the neck and arms.
Dong exclaimed that he should have known people would fight against Kyle, since he was so tenuously likable. He read the next message from Love, that mentioned Aleksey.
"Aleksey. Aleksey Pivovarov, naughty step-grandson of BOB. Nothing but trouble." -- Dong Fan
The female arms of The Chair began strangling Love, as the male voice said in a suave Parisian accent,
"Killing you now is no issue, any death since 9/11 of the Dead is no issue. You will wake up in a better world." -- The Chair.
A portal of flames opened up about 10 feet away, and the other members of the Stressed Out Society appeared. Suzie immediately created a breeze from the flames and blew the flames(now invisible) onto the Chair. The Chair let go in pain as blisters began to form on the female face. They then prepared to dive onto Suzie for the attack, before BaSa Cherry called from the portal for them to leave her alone. Sleuthclaw and Kyle made eye contact and Sleuthclaw ran up towards the SOS before BaSa formed a meteorite out of air particles and slapped him with it, knocking him to the ground. BaSa approached Dong Fan and told him that the plan worked several days faster than planned, and that it was time to go through with the RETCON early. This surprised Hatuey, who told BaSa that, according to her vision, they had to host the RETCON on May 20th or else her predictions wouldn't come true. Pained, she admitted that she would have to take the group forward in time now and risk the Continuity Police finding out about their whereabouts. BaSa grimaced, and then comforted Hatuey, saying that she had friends now who could keep her safe from them; the risk was worth the prize. Hearing this, Suzie began running towards Kyle. Penelope shifted the fertility controlling Suzie's breeze into another dimension, and everybody ignored her pursuit. She got as close to Kyle as she could while the full SOS joined hands.
"Kyle, these people are the ones who killed Mung! I don't know why you're doing this but they killed your friend and they'd have no problem killing us! They caused all of this!" -- Suzie Kepelkeker
Hatuey and Super BOB used each others' abilities to create a portal through both space and time capable of transporting all seven of the Stressed Out Society Team. Kyle briefly loosened his grip on Hatuey's hand after hearing Suzie's rant, before going with them anyway. The SOS vanished to May 20th. Dong Fan took Suzie's phone with him.
Suzie helped Sleuthclaw up to his feet; his nose was broken and his chest was heavily bruised. They then began walking towards Gucci Bean Haus.
Choosing the right outfit for RETCON 5/15/2021
It was late at night by the time Suzie and Sleuthclaw reached Gucci Bean Haus, upon the setting full moon. Suzie pointed out that it was not supposed to be a full moon that day. They entered the house and found Aleksey, Jolyne, Love, Morris, Howard, and Stevie "The Wonder" Johnston amidst several blowup sex dolls. They greeted each other rather unenthusiastically. Suzie told them that Kyle and BOB and the others teleported away. Aleksey replied that he knew, and he used his taste through time on a lock of BOB's hair to detect that he would not again exist until May 20th, the same day that the RETCON was scheduled to be hosted at the Miami Beach Convention Center.
They discussed all of their findings, all the things that they learned. The curious detective Morrissey finally managed to put all the pieces together. In his breakthrough, he found a whiteboard and began drawing a diagram in which he laid out exactly what happened.
Hatuey predicted that Kyle would join the SOS if Mung died at that specific time. Penelope protected the room from outside fertility while BaSa increased the gravity of the room relative to outside, slowing Mung's perception of time to a stop. Dong Fan came in and started changing things in the room to distract investigators, like making the wall blue and probably pushing the hand on the clock backwards and maybe even making the bed. Meanwhile, Mung's gaming chair was already The Chair, and during the slowed time it began to strangle Mung so he couldn't escape while Super BOB used his flaming hands to burn Mung to a crisp. After this, he swiftly created a portal that both lit the room on fire and allowed everyone to leave the room in time for it to appear that Mung was vaporized in an explosion while playing Fortnite. And, he may or may not have had a Child Bride Search up on another tab, ready to purchase a wife from the Guardians of the Galaxy.
After Morrissey's diagram was drawn and his long explanation given, everyone in the room nodded in agreement, rather satisfied with that conclusion. They then immediately began discussing what to do in the next few days in order to save the universe.
Jolyne's father Stevie began convulsing, which concerned her moderately. Suddenly, his form shifted and became that of Teshub, one of the highest ranking members of the Friendly Council. Everyone jumped to their feet in alarm, ready to attack. Jolyne demanded to know what happened to her father, and Teshub told her that he's asleep upstairs right now and that there was no need to worry. Jolyne ran upstairs and checked the master bedroom and found both of her parents cuddling different Pesci blowup dolls, sound asleep.
Teshub explained that he was one of the top members of the Friendly Council, which alarmed everyone, especially Aleksey. Teshub admitted that he was usually not seen in a positive light by members of the Hallowed Council, or by any mortals for that matter, but this occasion was serious. He discussed that his colleagues and he had serious concerns about the implications of the RETCON. Crescent Mani and the Löwe beamed in from the moonlit window, and Björn Lopez rose from the water at the Gucci Bean Haus Dock and entered from the patio. They considered evacuating the -17i universe, but decided it would be best to try and prevent the RETCON from happening in the first place, or else everything, good and evil, would be destroyed.