Crimson Bean Controversy

Crimson Bean Controversy

Date	1990-present
Location	Bolivia, Argentina, California, the Gambia
Death Toll	175+
Damage	$6 Billion USD
Involved	Jeffrey Meena, Juanito Romanov, Cerrita Romanov, Bastard Son Buba, Jill Meena, Rabo, etc.

The Crimson Bean Controvery refers to the series of events following Juanito Romanov's 1992 discovery of the Temple of the Crimson Bean in Bolivia, and the following actions of filmmaker Jeffrey Meena in attempting to harness its power for wealth and glory.

Beginnings

In the 1950's, Soviet emigrant Eyfim Romanov Romanov searched South America for Adolf Hitler. His findings were largely kept a secret, and he was soon being followed by the CIA and the Soviet KGB. In La Batalla de Magucho in 1972, Eyfim told CIA agent Charles Zabbernathy that he had found Hitler and he was more powerful than ever. He allegedly said more, and he was killed once the information was given.

His son, Juanito Romanov, became an archaeologist, and in 1992 discovered in Bolivia the Temple of the Crimson Bean. Inside he found the titular Crimson Bean, and touched it. In a bright flash, the bean turned into a reptilian-looking humanoid figure and vanished. By touching the artifact, Juanito was injected with potent fertility in his DNA.

He returned home to his wife Clara Venetti and son Jamón Romanov, and they were extremely mad at him for leaving them behind for over 18 months. Clara nearly divorced him, and Juanito finally gave in, and moved with the family to the United States, to California. There, he worked at UCLA and wrote papers on his findings in Bolivia.

Meanwhile, the film empire of Jeffrey Meena's Meena Productions was ascending to unprecedented levels. His films were spreading into Western Africa, directly competing with Nigeria's Nollywood industry. He had recently divorced Tara Smelt, who really just wanted money and ended up coming out of the divorce with over $200 million. Jeffrey was heartbroken and became a cold shill, desperately trying to increase his monetary value by making African films. While patrolling poor villages in the Gambia in a limousine, he found the village of Burong. He was confronted by Leroy Ginseng, who told him about the several times the city had been sunken by mysterious forces each time the coffee grown there became too powerful. Jeffrey recruited Leroy to make a series of films on the Coffee Haus Mages. The films were created and extremely in-depth on the lives of the Coffee Haus Mages, including Mr. Sioux Red and his journey to Crossplane Purgatory. The films were never released, and Jeffrey kept them to himself so that only he could hold the knowledge of the Imaginary Plane and the fertility acquired through certain types of coffee.

In 1994, Jeffrey Meena was contacted by UCLA professor Juanito Romanov, asking for a cheap but effective documentary on his journey to find the Temple of the Crimson Bean. The Romanov family, along with Meena and his associates, travelled back to northwestern Argentina and Bolivia to recapture on film Juanito's procedure for finding Hitler and the temple. The film series lasted from 1995-2002, with Hitler's Beans: The Untold Story of the Ancients.

Behind the Scenes of Hitler's Beans (1995-2002)

After filming about six episodes of Hitler's Beans, Juanito breezed over the fact that he had been given the definitive lead to the temple in the form of an ominous warning by an old woman with a German accent that the conspiracies were not merely myths, and moved on to the actual temple. Meena, who was always present on set for this project, was extremely picqued by this detail, and when he saw the Sumerian architecture in the temple along with coffee bean symbolism, he knew that the same mystical "Friendly Council" was behind this. He forced to crew and Juanito to stop furthering the plot and spend as much time as necessary to find the mysterious woman.

The Romanov family was getting fed up with needing to waste so much time continuing Juanito's search for Hitler, and Meena began to get defensive, using his large sums of money to heavily bribe the Romanov's and the people in charge of filming the movies.

In May of 1997, Meena's ex-wife Tara Smelt noticed a decrease in her ex-husband's net worth, and she became concerned for her alimony payments (even though she had already gotten over $200 million off of him). She found out that he was filming in Argentina, and she went out there herself to spy on his actions.

At about this time, Juanito led Jeffrey Meena to the mysterious old woman who had originally led him to the Temple. She had originally told Juanito that Hitler moved to Argentina for more reasons than simply political asylum. In the 14th episode of Hitler's Beans, the woman interviewed revealed herself to be Eva Braun 2, a genetic hybrid of Hitler's girlfriend Eva Braun and an ancient Gambian wizard who "harnessed the power of the bean to open the human body to superhuman abilities." She further claimed that she personally knew Hitler and was transported with him to Argentina after the war, along with specifics about her personal life and her daughter, Carla Ambrosia Suarez. Jeffrey quickly found her and began to flirt. A few weeks later the two of them were dating, and this was about the same time that Tara Smelt arrived at the set to spy on Jeffrey's actions. Seeing Jeffrey with another girl gave Tara a slight nostalgic envy, and further inspired her to financially destroy him.

Jeffrey never released the 14th episode of Hitler's beans, and kept the video as important evidence towards his goal. He continued to film the series, but as the journey progressed closer and closer to revealing the temple (and the location of Hitler).

After finding the temple, Meena's crew built a fort called Châteu D'Post Production, which would become his lair. He continued the documentary series well into 2002, trying to locate Adolf Hitler under the guise of archaeology. By this point, Juanito's family was ready to leave Juanito behind again, and he told Jeffrey that he was quitting. Jeffrey was unhappy, but willing to "move on with the story without [him]," which heavily triggered Juanito. He vowed to stay one more week, and on his last day, it happened. Carla Ambrosia Suarez convinced Eva Braun 2 to take the group to the place where Hitler died. There they found a grave surrounded in Nazi regalia. Juanito was astounded that he had finally completed his father's journey. He invited his family, who were relieved. Tara Smelt was following behind.

Surrounded by Carla, Eva Braun 2, Clara, Jamon, Jeffrey Meena, and several others, Juanito brought his new daughter Cerrita "Gatita" Romanov up to the grave, saying "We did it, we accomplished your abuelo's life dreams," and placed Cerrita's hand on the headstone. A glowing energy suddenly appeared, the ground ruptured, a burst of energy shown from the ground, a heavy wind pulled all structures away from the central scene. The being that appeared came from a bright red glow... It was him, it was Adolf Hitler. The cameras were rolling, all looks were in horror except for that of Jeffrey Meena, who was smiling cheek to cheek, immediately asking questions. Hitler looked to Jeffrey, opened his mouth, and then burst into pieces, revealing the Crimson Bean. Crimson Bean blasted a wave of energy at the crowd, throwing them all back except for Cerrita, who seemingly deflected the energy. Meena's cameras broke in the blast, and Meena ran towards Crimson Bean in admiration. Crimson Bean then spoke simultaneously in Spanish and German "Finally, the power to take this world for my own" and then lifted into the air and flew towards the direction of the temple. The weather calmed down, the whole group in shock. A cackle of maniacal laughter emerged from the top of the nearest hill crest; it was Tara Smelt with a camera of her own. She told the group that this information was going "straight to the FBI" and ran off. Jeffrey tumbled over his broken film equipment, and Clara and Juanito looked terrified at the toddler in Juanito's arms.

The Big Divorce Rebound Adventure (2002-2005)

Jeffrey immediately gave his wife a credit card and told her to go back to California with their new daughter Jill Meena. Tara Smelt boarded a helicopter that flew to her location to pick her up. She flew off, leaving the rest of the group behind, and Jeffrey sprinted off. Carla invited Juanito, Clara, Cerrita, Jamón, and some camera men from the Hitler's Beans crew, to come to the United States with them. She desperately wanted the two-year-old Jill to live a normal life. After what they had experienced, the Romanov family agreed that it was time for a normal life. Within a few days, they boarded a plane, acknowledging that there was not much left in Argentina for them. Carla attempted to bring her mother Eva Braun 2 with them, but she refused to leave, claiming her destiny belonged to "the Bean, as much as the fuhrer, as they had become one and the same."

As their pilgrimage began, the air over South America shifted. The energy emitted by the resurrection of the Crimson Bean notified the Friendly Council and the members of the Hallowed Council who were not busy fighting Gak Rasputin's army of Yeth hounds in Omsk, Russia.

Tara's helicopter landed 50 miles to the southeast, back in Argentina. A flash of energy blinded her, and there appeared Xavier Muchissimo of the Friendly Council. He told her that it was in the Council's favor that the world (U.S.) government be made aware of the existence of the Crimson Bean, but only at the highest level. Tara asked for help transporting the tapes to Washington, D.C. Before this could happen, energy struck Xavier to the ground. It was a fertility ray broadcast by Hallowed Council wizard David Branx. Soon joined by Fourthman and Uncle, the team pushed Xavier back into the Imaginary Plane, where they battled. Tara was extremely confused, and left for the nearest airport.

Tara travelled to Château D'Post Production, where she knew Jeffrey would be travelling next. Of course, Jeffrey made it there just in time to see the place in flames. Tara stated that this was "for having a child with her"(referring to Carla Ambrosia Suarez). In the Chateau were dozens of unreleased film reels and digital files on computers. At this point, Jeffrey fell to his knees, ready to surrender. Tara laughed maniacally, claiming that Jeffrey's brain was the only evidence the government would have to destroy now. David Branx reappeared and attempted to take out Tara, but Xavier Muchissimo teleported back into -17i just in time to deflect the blast. He picked up Tara and blasted into the atmosphere to the north. Recalling Leroy Ginseng, Jeffrey asked the powerful Hallowed Council members in front of him if the people who sunk Burong were behind this; the three heroes nodded. Jeffrey then immediately requested to go to the Gambia.

In Burong, Jeffrey found Leroy Ginseng, and begged him to be trained in the art of fertility magic. He was met by Mr. Sioux Red, who perfomed several tests on him and found that he was heavily bound to average human fertility, and that the only way he could become extrafertile would be to perform a Mandelbrot Transfer on a godly being such as the Corporeal Beast, the body of g5 GAMBI, or of the Crimson Bean. There were other ways to gain the magic, but they only worked with those with incredible aptitude (BOB with his mustard gas overdose, Xavier Muchissimo with the Big Elf). The Corporeal Beast was in the Realm of the Dead, the body of g5 GAMBI had become incorporated into his mother-in-law Eva Braun 2, and the Crimson Bean was at large somewhere in -17i. Knowing this, Jeffrey began to gather as many of Leroy Ginseng's friends as he could to set out on a mission to find the Crimson Bean before his ex-wife and the FBI could.

However, by this point it was too late. Tara arrived in the United States, in Washington, D.C. Xavier Muchissimo found her, and took her to Arlington National Cemetery. Without BOB guarding the place, the Gateway of the Eternal Flame was left open, and Xavier called Super JFK to awaken. Upon hearing that the Crimson Bean had awoken, Super JFK ended his life in a wave of dark energy known as a Quantum Hopf Antipode, as this had been his purpose for existing all along. This was against the wishes of Xavier, however, because the Antipode was essentially a multidimensional beacon that would signal more than just the Crimson bean to gather. Federal government agents began to appear, and revealed themselves to be REPTILEs. The REPTILE agents gave Tara Smelt high clearance in the White House. After waiting for several hours in the West Wing, the Crimson Bean phased into appearance. He was greeted by U.S. president George W. Bush (who was known to be the first U.S. president since 1872 who voluntarily cooperated with the Friendly Council), but the Crimson Bean pulled his fertility from him with one glance, without saying a word. Bush collapsed to the ground, the Crimson Bean lifted him up with one arm and used this contact to complete the human genome. Now an Impotent Husk, George Bush became a puppet to mirror normal United States customs. Crimson Bean became Crimson Bush, the leader of the free world.

𒀭 appeared holographically, welcoming Crimson Bush to the Friendly Council. Tara approached the throne of Crimson Bush, interrupting the coronation, stating that Jeffrey Meena knew too much and needed to be dealt with. Crimson Bush agreed, but then also pointed out that now Tara knew far more than even Jeffrey. Tara boldly claimed she would go out and kill Jeffrey herself if given the ability, and would give up all her fertility once the task was completed. Crimson Bush agreed, and granted her the abilities of a Super Ghost. She travelled through the US, collecting fertility.

Over the next year, the United States was flooded with spirits and powerful clients of the Friendly Council (BOB was still fighting against Gak) and several world-changing events were forged during this time, such as the creation of Youtube, the career of Steve Jobs, the ascension of Schneider's Bakery, etc. Zagros Enkidu , the super ghost of Mesopotamia, joined forces with Crimson Bush to escalate the War on Terror. At this moment in time, no member of the Hallowed Council or the Coffee Haus Mages could get close to D.C., the Friendly Council was too powerful. A team had been assembled, however, consisting of Jeffrey, David Branx, Fourthman, Uncle, Leroy Ginseng, Mr. Sioux Red, Abernathy Keegan , Mrs. Jaraya Blue , Qu-chara Melany, and several other low-level wizards. This team was called "Fraternity of People Parading against the Unyielding Crimson-Bean's Craving for New World Order" (abbrev. FraPPUCCiNO ). Mr. Sioux Red got the group transportation over the ocean in secrecy via Aleksey Pivovarov 's coffee boat the RSS Pivovarov , and landed in Cape Canaveral, Florida in late 2004. Björn Lopez created Hurricane Ivan to warn the group of coming disaster. They didn't get the message.

Tara had accumulated large amounts of fertility, and was by now in a romantic relationship with Xavier Muchissimo. As heightened fertility tends to assist, she would soon unknowingly become pregnant with Xavier's child. Because of this, Xavier began to feel disdain towards the rest of the Friendly Council; he didn't want his lover to lose her fertility. He attempted to stop her in early 2005 from attacking Jeffrey and the FraPPUCCiNO gang. War began, and it would soon escalate severely and change the fate of the world.

The Abdication of the Bean (2005-2006)

Using her new powers, Tara had the ability to quickly destroy Jeffrey. The powerful members of FraPPUCCiNO acted as meat shields that allowed the group to gradually get closer and closer to Washington D.C. By the time they arrived there, Qu-Chara Melany and Uncle had died to Tara and Xavier's onslaught. The world was turning in a very dark direction, and Jeffrey still had no powers. By the end of 2005 BOB had finished his campaign against the Yeth in Omsk, and with significant power gains, he returned to Arlington, sealed the portal, and joined the FraPPUCiNO team in fighting the Friendly Council. He, however, refused to help Jeffrey Meena achieve fertility magic, sensing "a great evil" within him.

The final battle began when a REPTILE army descened from Capitol Hill to a nearby Starbucks where FraPPUCiNO was planning. The Crimson Bush himself arrived at the location, and told everybody to surrender. The following hellfire resulted in a moment where Crimson Bush was tackled to the ground, and Jeffrey grabbed his head and began to feel the power flowing into him. He was then pushed off, thrown to the ground at the feet of Tara, who stripped Jeffrey of his fertility and annihliated his nervous system. He was thrown to a corner. Tara felt satisfied. The Crimson Bush then approached her; her promise had been achieved. He reached out with ethereal limbs and tried to take Tara's fertility, but Xavier betrayed the Crimson Bush by stopping him. The two began to battle a bloody fight, but in the end, Xavier was killed.

Tara, who now didn't actually want to risk losing her fertility while pregnant, fled. David Branx quickly brought Jeffrey's dying body into the Imaginary Plane to quickly travel to Arizona, to meet the best fertile healer in the world. It was David's father, the powerful wizard Rabo. He unlocked Jeffrey's mind to Source, which reactivated his nervous system and brought him back to health within months, now with fertility magic.

With the Arlington portal sealed and the REPTILEs taken care of, the rest of FraPPUCiNO and BOB still had a lot of work to do with all these new beings released into the Mortal Plane. They were unable to destroy Crimson Bush, but to keep appearances calm, he played the part as the president, only going out at night or sending out minions to fight his enemies. Crimson Bush would become Crimson Obama, Crimson Obama would become Crimson Trump. It would not be for another decade before the tides would turn in favor of humanity, but not in a good way.

Tara gave birth to Richard Muchissimo in mid 2006 in Alaska. Jill Meena grew up in California with Cerrita Gatita Romanov, the Meena and Argentinian Romanov families now good friends.

The Fall of Coffee, The Rise of Jeffrey (2016-2020)

These events paved the way for Jeffrey Meena to enter his political career by making a controversial third party run for the White House in the 2020 United States Presidential Election. As social consciousness about coffee and its sourcing became one of the headline issues in the US in the late 2010's, Meena garnered support from those in opposition to Crimson Trump's proposed Orange Lid Act, banned coffee imports to the United States and sent troops to several foreign countries. In a history-defining shock, Jeffrey Meena won the election. Defensively, Crimson Trump pushed the Orange Lid Act through as an executive order and sent troops into The Gambia and blockaded the west coast of Africa. Inauguration Day 2021 turned out to be a bloody affair.