Adelheid Smith

Adelheid Lange Smith

Adelheid in a 2018 photoshoot

Birth	1985
Career	Witch, Politician

Adelheid Smith is an American witch, founder of the Witch's Coven Party.

Early Life

Adelheid was born in a wealthy household in Los Angeles, California on March 15th, 1985. Her father, Garrett Smith, was an absentee father busy with pitching himself obsessively to films. Her "mother" was Karen Smith, a nurse, but her biological mother was popular actress Jessica Lange. She went to Santa Monica High School, graduating in 2002. While attending UCLA in 2004, she attended and participated in a protest advocating for animal rights that went violent. She was sprayed with pepper spray while consuming a Trenta Cold Brew with no water and no ice, and she was exposed to a new branch of universal consciousness. After recovering, she soon found herself to be pregnant with triplets in the following month. This panicked her, as she had not had unprotected sex for over two months. Convinced that she had experienced some sort of immaculate conception or innate impregnation, she sought help with the occult to diagnose her potentially messianic traits.

She found the Sawtelle Witch's Coven just south of UCLA, and demanded answers and solutions. After a brief examination, the current Witch Queen, Kendra Quayle, a graduate student also at UCLA, informed Adelheid that she was impregnated not by a human, but by a demonic entity known as the Walk of Fame, and that her children were not going to be humans, and could not be removed by "natural means." She would have to go through a witch procedure called Quantum Replacement, that would effectively take the demon children and place them in the Safe Asymptote. Something went wrong with the procedure, however, and the children were only transported to the Realm of the Dead. These children were raised by the Walk of Fame and became The Fake Sisters, who would come to haunt Adelheid once they were old enough to walk. The Quantum Replacement caused Adelheid to experience extrafertility once again, and after being fed several cups of Dunkin' Donuts coffee, she became able to willingly experience the multidimensional reality.

Rising in the Ranks(It's Not American Horror Story)

The cult dropped Adelheid off at UCLA the next morning, claiming that the procedure was a success. She immediately was interested in joining the group, as the feeling of extrafertility was addicting, somewhat like caffeine. The girls stated that their membership was full and drove off.

Adelheid immediately went to the nearest Dunkin Donuts, missing her classes. She chugged far more caffeine than is a typical dose, and gained the ability to generate heat from her hands, and view the imaginary plane in brief pulses. She saw what appeared to be a shadow enveloping three infants, but shrugged it off.

She soon found out that Kendra Quayle was the leader of the UCLA Debate Team. She decided that it was time to prove herself worthy of joining the Coven. She joined the debate team and quickly rose through the ranks with her charisma. Over the course of her debating, Adelheid realized that she could use her new fertile powers in a telepathic manner to a limited extent, using this knowledge to slightly mess up her opponents' body language. She eventually found herself in a head-on debate with Kendra. Kendra knew fully well what was going on, and she used her magic against Adelheid. The following scene was an embarrassing display of telepathic madness, leading to both of them collapsing on the ground bruise and torn, without laying a finger on each other. Treated by the school as a "freak medical accident," both of them were taken to the hospital.

When Adelheid awoke, she was surrounded by the same girls who had performed the Quantum Replacement. The congratulated her and invited her into the Coven.

Kendra and Adelheid soon became friends, and then briefly lovers. The following breakup led Kendra to pursue her career in Dunkin Donuts, and she left the Coven. Adelheid then became the leader of the group until she graduated in 2007. After graduation, Adelheid used her speaking skills and took an internet opportunity to work as a tour guide in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, having learned of one branch of the National Witch Organization. She became a resident of Michigan and led the Coven of the Upper Peninsula. She eventually ran for the House of Representatives of Michigan in 2012 and won, serving three terms. In 2016, she noticed a slight decline in incoming witches, so she returned to UCLA to become a recruiter. When she returned she was offered the position as head of the Coven once again, and reluctantly accepted, still mainly working on recruiting. In 2017 she set her eyes on a new student, Cerrita "Gatita" Romanov.

The Beans, the Gurevich's, and the Meena's

The Great Caffeinated Death in the Gambia caused a stir of controversy over the morality of coffee on several university campuses across the United States. Especially in UCLA this happened, and anti-coffee groups such as the Dmitriy Heaven Club formed, which presented a direct obstacle to Adelheid's recruiting mission, as the Dmitriy Heaven Club quickly began taking several of her prime target audience, insecure and morally outraged college girls. Adelheid wanted Cerrita for the Coven, knowing that she had very strong powers after spying on her fighting off a gang of Hollywood's elite People Hunters. One of the People Hunters was a talent scout, who escaped and informed film tycoon Jeffrey Meena of a powerful fertile presence in Hollywood. One day on campus, Adelheid witnessed Cerrita being talked at by one of the leaders of the Dmitriy Heaven Club, and she interrupted the conversation. She was shocked when the cult leader stated that she was Jill Meena, the daughter of Jeffrey Meena himself.

Adelheid was terrified to realize that Cerrita and Jill appeared to be friends, or at least mild acquaintances. As it turned out, their families knew each other from some stint that had occurred in Argentina back in the late 1990s. After watching patiently for their conversation to end, Adelheid found Cerrita and began talking to her in a very flirtatious manner relating to joining her pro-coffee organization. It seemed that Adelheid had acquired some romantic interest in Cerrita. So, Adelheid, with her confrontational nature, decided to follow Jill Meena to her home and attack her, in an effort to dissuade her from continuing her recruitment operations.

After some time of stalking, she found Jill about to enter a large house. Adelheid used her telekinesis to pull Jill to the ground by her blood, and she received the sense that Jill had no powers. Adelheid interrogated the surprised Jill, commanding her to stay off her turf and to leave coffee alone, for she did not know what she would be dealing with. Jill responded by shouting "Egg Drop Soup" and suddenly a force field of anomalic energy cut off Adelheid's flow of energy into Jill. After recovering and standing up, Jill told Adelheid that she has a secret weapon, and that no organization supporting of coffee would exist in a semester's time.

Sure enough, the next day the university made an official statement boycotting coffee on campus due to the "moral implications of what occurred in the Republic of the Gambia this past December." The official statement on the school's website was watermarked with

"Sponsored by the Meena Foundation: Boycott Today for a Better Tomorrow."

To add insult to injury, a video was released with an interview of Jill Meena herself, speaking in a smug tone about the evils of coffee and the benefits to the larger world by its removal from society and public memory. Tremendously offended, Adelheid headed to the Witch's Coven Headquarters.

Adelheid told the Witch's Coven that it was time to declare war against the Dmitriy Heaven Club; they needed to find out what the group's secret weapon was and destroy it before the reputation of witches across the country was destroyed.

For the following weeks, the Dmitriy Heaven Club was winning the fight, gaining members and using Jeffrey Meena's funding to shut down every coffee shop in any University in California. Adelheid knew that she somehow had to change public opinion of coffee at the school. She attempted to organize a debate, but UCLA had banned the expression of "unorthodox" political beliefs after the UC Berkeley Riots on February 2nd, 2017, and the position of supporting the production and consumption of coffee was now considered to the university to be unorthodox.

Adelheid then set about forming a new political party, designed specifically to normalize coffee and witchcraft. It would be called the Witch's Coven Party. Using espionage tactics, Adelheid planned her speeches to be in and around locations just off campus where she knew her crush, Cerrita, would be. She also began releasing publicly televised ads attacking the character of the deceased Dmitriy Gurevich, calling him insulting slogans such as "A murderer, not a martyr," "a sociopathic weeaboo," and "a fragile pawn to the Gambian government." While the conditions on the campus did not change, and in fact seemed to be steering further against coffee, the general population of Los Angeles began to show a strong support for the Witch's Coven party, not signalling shared moral sentiments but rather signalling the fact that the majority of the population of the city depended on coffee for daily survival and would not stand for its removal from society. She thus turned down special interest groups who were offering to pay her to run as a Democrat in the 2018 midterm elections and instead ran as the Witch's Coven Party's nominee.

Adelheid planned a party at a large community center to celebrate the early success of her party, and she invited Cerrita. Upon finding this out, Jill Meena planned a party of her own at the Dmitriy Heaven Club's mansion, also inviting Cerrita. Noticing wrinkles forming along her eyes one April day, Adelheid consumed the fertility of a random unguarded child at a local Chinese restaurant. Now feeling physically valid enough to seduce Cerrita, she left the restaurant in as unsuspicious of a way as possible. On her walk back to her bike she felt the sensation of a supernatural presence around her, or three. She briefly lapsed into the view of the Imaginary Plane and witnessed three shadows of female children surrounded by that same dark entity as she had felt all those years ago-- the Walk of Fame, and her undead unborn children, Reality, Karma, and Fashion. She panicked, reentering the Mortal Plane and travelling as quickly as possible to the school campus, where she accidentally bumped into Cerrita and Jill having dinner on the patio of a tea shop. Her heart twisted with jealousy but also fear of the creatures following behind her in another plane, she stammered to say a concrete sentence before telling Cerrita to "run." Adelheid then pulled Jill into the imaginary plane and telekinetically threw her into the grasp of the Walk of Fame, which was quick to envelop her.

Cerrita moved only a few feet away out of curiosity and a lack of fear for the situation. Once Adelheid was sure the creatures were no longer following her she pulled Jill back into the Mortal Plane, leaving her unconscious. She worried that Jill would have powers now, but she figured that without the addition of coffee to the formula Jill wouldn't be a threat.

Cerrita demanded that they not leave Jill laying knocked out in the middle of the city, despite Adelheid's wish to leave her to rot. They awkwardly sat there near Jill's body waiting for her to wake up, and chatted. Adelheid managed to convince Cerrita to support coffee, and as such Cerrita timidly offered to act as a spy for her at Jill's party to find out what her secret weapon was, although she assumed it was just Jeffrey Meena's money. The two briefly touched hands, and then Cerrita asked Adelheid how old she was, which made the situation slightly more awkward. Jill woke up, but then was suddenly swept away, teleported out of the scene without explanation. Several People Hunters appeared out of the bushes looking for her, and then walked away disappointed.

Adelheid dropped Cerrita off at her dorm and then proceeded to walk towards her home at the Sawtelle Coven. The three children again appeared, eventually following her and blocking the entrance to the building. She tried attacking, but her energy bursts had no effects on the creatures. They did not attack, but merely watched. Adelheid proceeded to have a mental breakdown at the front steps of the coven, and the demon children approached closer and closer, surrounding her. Suddenly, a pulse of energy caused them to disappear in a ripple, and from above Adelheid came the former Witch Queen, Kendra Quayle, who was now a high ranking official for Dunkin' Donuts. Adelheid almost cracked a smile, but instead asked for help. Kendra informed her that those creatures were her children, resultant of the failed Quantum Replacement procedure all those years ago, and that they could only be made stronger by using basic fertility magic. They could only be fended off with Anility or Sterility, multidimensional counterparts to basic fertility. When asked what that meant, Kendra replied that it didn't matter; all that mattered was that she wanted to help Adelheid defeat the Dmitriy Heaven Club, both monetarily and spiritually. Kendra then gave Adelheid a romantic look and said she was here to help.

The day of the parties soon arrived. Cerrita was extremely conflicted as to whether she should spy on the Dmitriy Heaven Club's base on behalf of Adelheid or whether to actually join Jill's organization. She decided to do the spying first and make her decision based on the results of said spying.

Adelheid gave a speech at her political celebration and allowed the festivities to begin(all the food and drinks were coffee-based), and she then met up with Kendra in the audience, ready to break into the enemy festivities once Cerrita found out the truth.

Cerrita witnessed as Jill Meena and the group's cofounder Jackie Bean read out transcriptions of Dmitriy Gurevich's manifesto as if preaching the word of god. They spoke of him as if they were one step away from resurrecting him like Jesus. The entire group began shouting words denouncing the coffee consumers as the greatest evils in the world, demanding for the destruction of the witches. Jill assured the crowds that the witches would be destroyed for their heretical beliefs, stating that coffee was not the only way to achieve power in this world ( a statement which confused most of the audience but sparked worry in Cerrita's mind). Recognizing that some kind of immanent danger was about to ensue, Cerrita quickly texted Adelheid "SOS."

After some time, Jill noticed Cerrita and pointed her out to the crowd as a special guest. Jeffrey Meena soon appeared on the stage, smiling smugly a folding his hair back. He asked directly to Cerrita if she remembered him, how it had been almost 20 years and how crazy it was that her dad used to be such close friends with him.

Kendra used Anile Cloaking to sneak her and Adelheid into the party, emerging from the crowd just as Jeffrey finished his sentence.

Jeffrey pointed her out to the crowd.

"Adelheid Smith, the one who's out corrupting the minds of the American people. You might think that your group and my daughter's group are enemies, but you're really just two sides of the same coin. There's a real enemy out there, one more powerful than you can comprehend, that only I can defeat. I bet you came here for Ms. Cerrita Romanov here, your little lover? She probably hasn't told you her secret, has she? She has power that we need, that she is so graciously going to hand over to the people who need it most."

Cerrita admitted that she contained a fraction of the essence of the Crimson Bean, and always had. She looked back at Adelheid and admitted that she and Jeffrey Meena had both made some form of contact with the being, making their powers bound together. Adelheid, who had no idea that Cerrita even had powers, asked her why she didn't tell Adelheid that she had said powers, but she gave no solid answer. Cerrita then faced Jeffrey and Jill Meena and told them that she would not be handing over her powers to them. Jill replied that she already had. A powerful force lifted Cerrita into the air, and Jeffrey called for Rabo to enter the room. Kendra only said "Shit, it's Rabo." Rabo stated that this was the only way to bring peace and balance to the universe, and attempted to steal Cerrita's energy. Kendra attacked Rabo with pulses of mixed anility and fertility, distracting him enough to let go of Cerrita, who landed on the ground, radiating with crimson energy. Adelheid ran over to comfort her, and at the same time Jill came and tore them apart. Adelheid figured that she could easily tear Jill's cells apart, but Jill countered with a burst of radiation that sent all three girls in separate directions. Adelheid wondered how Jill got her extra powers without coffee, and Jill responded by saying that coffee isn't the only way to gain fertility, and Cerrita agreed. The two raced towards Cerrita, attempting to connect to her. After a series of attacks, Adelheid managed to touch her first, and she performed a small Mandelbrot Transfer, unlocking her powers herself.

The ensuing battle nearly destroyed the Dmitriy Heaven Club's mansion. The party guests of regular fertility either ran away or attempted to attack the wicthes. Jeffrey Meena did not attack, but watched under the protection of Rabo. Cerrita admitted to Adelheid that they couldn't be together because Jill and Jeffrey offered her over a million dollars to star in a Meena Productions film in the Gambia called "Girls Gone Gambia" and she already signed the contract. Kendra became jealous of the romantic tension happening, and after noticing the Fake Sisters approaching, she pulled Cerrita into Rabo's path and stopped deflecting his energy. Rabo altered Cerrita's source causing her to briefly be converted to pure sterility, allowing the Walk of Fame to invade her body. After Cerrita was infected and turned back to normal matter, Adelheid attacked Kendra with a beam of ultraviolet radiation, frying the skin of her torso and essentially giving her skin cancer. Adelheid tried to collect Cerrita and escape from the mansion, but Rabo locked her to the ground, her source now dictating that only Jill Meena and Jeffrey Meena could carry her. Jill picked her up right in front of Adelheid and walked away; Jeffrey laughed and said he would soon have the power to become the president of the United States now, and defeat the Crimson Bean once and for all. As a last attack, Rabo converted all of Adelheid's and Kendra's fertility into anility, rendering them typical mortals in the mortal plane.

Adelheid and Kendra found themselves teleported back to the convention center where the Witch's Coven Party was celebrating Adelheid's candidacy. Adelheid angrily asked why she would do that to Cerrita, and Kendra responded that she was still in love with Adelheid and didn't want Cerrita in the way. Adelheid was secretly very rageful, but she kept it to herself and allowed an unhealthy relationship to begin between her and Kendra so she could get Dunkin' Donuts' funding in what she knew would eventually become a presidential campaign.

The Coffee-Culture Revolution (Dirty to the Bone)

Adelheid narrowly lost her congressional campaign in the 2018 midterms, and immediately began working on a presidential campaign. She moved the headquarters of her party back to Upper Michigan but maintained close ties with Los Angeles. She abandoned her mission at the university and expected the Sawtelle Coven to fold; however, in early 2019 Cerrita "Gatita" Romanov surprisingly returned, having realized that most of Jeffrey Meena's films these days were just hoaxes meant to extract fertility from powerful people. Jeffrey Meena ended up moving on to GamBABY Jam ALL STAR EDITION. Cerrita joined the Sawtelle Coven and became its Witch Queen. Adelheid stayed together with Kendra, who was treating her skin cancer and rapid aging by drinking unhealthy amounts of pure caffeine, which was damaging her health.

The Fake Sisters continued to haunt Adelheid, and she could do nothing about it but cower in fear occasionally. Her mental health severely degraded over the course of her presidential campaign.

The 2020 United States Presidential Election came and went; the Witch's Coven Party became the fourth largest party in America. Jeffrey Meena became president of the United States with his new We Love America Yay Party, and it soon became evidently clear that Meena was correct in his belief that the Crimson Bean was the most dangerous being in the world, after Crimson Trump made a secret order to have the FBI and its REPTILEs gradually decrease the caffeine content of all coffee sold in the United States. Adelheid reluctantly joined forces with Jeffrey Meena in 2021 while attending his inauguration. One of Meena's most powerful "allies," an Azerbaijani man named BOB, turned Adelheid's anility back to fertility, since he too could now control some elements of source. Adelheid made it very clear that BOB ought not give Kendra her fertility back. Adelheid and Cerrita were a part of the Coffee Coup of 2021 and assisted in killing the Crimson Bean.