C.H.E.S.
The Connoisseurs of Herbally-Enriched Substances, or C.H.E.S. (IPA: /kʰɛs/), founded in 1743, are an organisation dedicated to maximising their Sterility via the consumption of increasingly elaborate and concentrated tea-based concoctions.
There are various dissolute sects across the world who lay claim to the name of ‘C.H.E.S.’, members of which that possess a Sterility level of at least 114,942,432.044 are dubbed ‘Masters’ and traditionally ranked on the following scale:
| Rank | Required Sterility |
|---|---|
| Master | 114,942,432.044 |
| Intranational Master | 739,085,572.133 |
| Extranational Master | 1,414,213,613.562 |
| Grand Master | 2,718,281,828.459 |
Among C.H.E.S.’s core tenets are:
- A requirement for each member to imbibe at least 3 cups of tea per day (increased to 3 per hour for Masters and above).
- A ban on the consumption of coffee.
- A ban on the killing and consumption of crab.
Known C.H.E.S. Grand Masters include Carlos Søren Magnussen, Nuck Chorris, King Arthur, Sir Timothy Angus McLeod, and Júlio da Silva Fenton-Awnthorpe.