Caning of Jagodzinski

The Caning of Jagodzinski was an event of bludgeoning that occurred on December 1st, 2024, in which U.S. House Majority Leader Charles Sumner Jagodzinski was assaulted during negotiations on the separation of Washington, DC from the United States.

The perpetrator of the caning, Donna Schlagenkampf, was the non-voting representative for Washington, DC at the time. She was fervently in support of Washington, DC's independence. Jagodzinski, on the other hand, felt like he was losing his mind. How could anyone possibly be considering letting the *federal district*, the capital city of the nation, leave? Where would the federal government go if Washington, DC was suddenly a different country? He was nearly in tears begging for some kind of return to logic in Congress when Schlagenkampf finally erupted in a mad fit of rage.

She sprinted toward the speaker's stand, bearing a cane (though she didn't use a cane herself), and began walloping Jagodzinski until he lost consciousness.