Harlow Tinfoil

Harlow Tinfoil

Harlow attending his 50th birthday party

Birth	April 18th, 1956
Spouse	Windy (m. 1999)
Children	4, including hyperpop artist Tyn PP
Known for	President of the United States, Shortest-serving Vice President of the United States

Harlow Crosby Tinfoil IV is a politician from Louisiana.

He served as the 50th Vice President of the United States under President Jeffrey Meena for a few weeks before becoming the 47th President of the United States in March of 2025.

Early Life

Harlow Tinfoil was born on April 18th, 1956 in a mansion outside of Shreveport, Louisiana. He was the fourth generation in a line of large-scale shrimpers and boatbuilders. His father, Harlow Tinfoil III, invested heavily in oil companies and began a foray into yacht building in the 1960s.

Political Career

Tinfoil was elected to the United States Senate in 2002 as a Democrat. In the fervor of post-9/11 America, Tinfoil was extremely excited about the prospect of invading Iraq. He kept a sandbox in his office with a mold of the map of Iraq so he could create a "Sand Iraq" and stomp on it on a daily basis to simulate the US military obliterating Saddam Hussein. Needless to say, he joyously voted for every military act proposed by George W Bush.

Over the course of the 2010's, Tinfoil became a less active Senator. He spoke in favor of every military act suggested by Obama and Trump, and largely kept quiet on every other issue. A lifelong Tea-Totaler, Tinfoil was happy to hear of the elimination of coffee from the United States in late 2020.

During Jeffrey Meena's first term, Tinfoil changed his party alignment to Independent before becoming an official member of the We Love America Yay Party leading up to the 2022 midterm elections. While Meena undid the Orange Lid Act and sought to guarantee safe access of Gambian Coffee to the United States, Tinfoil was very happy with the fact that Meena was still pursuing the destruction of the Coffee Haus corporation. Meena began to suggest further military involvement in West Africa, including the possible annexation of the Gambia.

Tinfoil, a member of the We Love America Yay Party had been looking for something interesting to do since the Iraq War. He went further with the idea, proposing an invasion and annexation of Liberia, Sierra Leone, and Senegal as well. Mainstream news channels went so fervently in the direction of the invasion that public support grew as well. Meena saw the writing on the wall, and amidst the growing concerns over personal bias towards his wife and vice president, Maribel Sarkeesian, he removed her from the ticket and selected Tinfoil as his VP candidate.

The Meena-Tinfoil 2024 ticket won a plurality of the electoral college in the 2024 United States Presidential Election. It took the chaotic Compromise of 2024 for Meena and Tinfoil to be certified as the winners of the election. With the independence of the Land O' Lakes, Washington, DC, and the Principality of The Flahamas, it became clear that Meena's impeachment was nigh. His now ex-wife, Sarkeesian, as the president of the Senate for another 20 days, initiated the impeachment proceedings.

Meena was inaugurated to his second term on January 20th, 2025. After the states of Florida, Michigan, Wisconsin, Illinois, Indiana, and Ohio formally withdrew from the Union, the threshold for conviction in an Impeachment by the Senate dropped to 56, and every one of those states supported Meena because he allowed them to secede. The final vote against Meena, held on March 4th, 2025, was 57-27, making him the first president ever removed from office due to impeachment. His wife, Maribel filed for divorce two days later.

Presidency

Suddenly, Harlow Tinfoil was president of the United States. Governing from the new United States capital of London, Texas, Tinfoil and his staff were tasked with running the country while in the middle of a move. Not only were all federal assets being moved from DC to whatever buildings around London that could be purchased with eminent domain, but federal assets from the seceded former states were coming back to various parts of the remaining United States. Paperwork was piling up.

Tinfoil desperately wanted to gather the troops and begin an all-out invasion of West Africa, but his plans were continually impeded by the messy paperwork and logistics of the United States giving up 25% of its territory and population. In his first three months in office, he signed a record 9,467 Executive Orders, most of which were written on plain copy paper, receipts, and fast-food bags, as the official Executive Order Printer was being held hostage by DC Mayor Akifumi Shimoda. Most of these executive orders were just deferrals of work to other cabinet members and Texas state officials.

On a regular basis, Tinfoil could be heard muttering "I hate my job" from his folding chair on the stage of London Hall. One thing that brought him joy was helping his "friend", Jeffrey Meena to complete the tenth installment of the Star Wars franchise, Star Wars X: Ascent of Maul. He pardoned Meena of all possible crimes committed during or before his presidency, created an official government department called the Department of Star Wars, led by George Lucas. Nearly $1 Billion USD was appropriated to fund the film.

Over the course of 2025, states began exercising more control over matters historically deemed federal responsibilities. The Supreme Court only finished moving into their new office, the Post Office of London, in June of 2025. By that time, interstate commerce precedent was being ignored across the board, and a national crisis was brewing.

In the summer of 2025, former President Jeffrey Meena asked Tinfoil if he could crash at London Hall for a while, considering his wife had frozen his most of his assets and set a restraining order against him. The only income source he had left was from his acquisition of Lucasfilms that February. During this time, Meena wrote the screenplays for Star Wars XI: Return of Ren and Star Wars XII: We Are The Force. By early fall, Meena left London to live on-set at the filming sites for Star Wars X, which would premiere on August 12th, 2026.

In December 2025, Tinfoil went through a mental break that his son, Tyn PP, described as "The Snap." He let go of all of his inhibitions. He ordered all active military units of all branches of the military present in the Atlantic and Africa to lay siege on the capital cities of Liberia, Guinea, Guinea-Bissau, Sierra Leone, Côte d'Ivoire, and Senegal. Notably he declined to invade The Gambia. Allegedly he was saving The Gambia for "Phase 2". Marco Rubio, the High Prince of the Flahamas, offered to support this military operation with their own troops.