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Dmitriy Gurevich
Dmitry Gurevich
| Name | Dmitriy Mikoyan Gurevich |
| Birth | February 29th 1997 |
| Death | January 19th, 2017(Age 19) |
| Parents | Kelley Ann Gurevich(Mother) Karl Marx Gurevich(Father) |
| Spouse | None(Incel) |
| Children | None(Incel) |
| Career | Internet Hacker Anti-Coffee Activist |
| Known for | The Great Caffeinated Death(2016) |
Dmitriy Mikoyan Gurevich was a 19 year old computer hacker and radical anti-coffee terrorist. He was responsible for The Caffeinated Death of 2016 which nearly destroyed the life of his uncle, Yosef Romanov by getting coffee completely banned from the country of Gambia. His only hobbies were watching anime and shining flashlights at airplanes. After his death, a fanatic organization called the Dmitriy Heaven Club was founded in the United States by American coffee haters.
Early/End of life
Dmitriy is the son of Kelley Ann Gurevich and Karl Marx Gurevich, two Soviet farmers who once worked at the state-owned Kepelkeker Farms. After the dissolution of the Soviet Union Karl Gurevich inherited the Kepelkeker farms in an extremely controversial exchange, and the farms were sold to Starbucks in 1997. Dmitriy was born in a world of fortune and was extremely unsatisfied with the ease of his life. After a few early childhood trips to Gambia with his uncle, he began to fail his classes in SKOLA 3 and he desired a change.
Dmitriy, unlike the rest of his family did not like coffee. He no only had a distaste for coffee, he hated everything about coffee. What he hated most about coffee was his family's obsession with it and how they thought they owed their heritage to it. During the last year of his life, Dmitriy came up with a plan to use anthrax to scare the people of Gambia of coffee and to change the outcome of the 2016 Gambian and push a politician with an anti-coffee policy that would stop all growing, importing and brewing of coffee in Gambia.
Dmitriy's Manifesto ????-2016
"Coffee. My entire family has always called it a blessing, God's gift to our family, they say it has supported us for generations and that I owe my life to it and other bullshit like that. I think they are wrong and stupid. Everyone in my family is wrong. Coffee is an injustice to this world that deserves to be vanquished. For weeks now, Uncle Yosef has been talking about the Gambia, a world of 'hot beans' he calls them. and how it is the land we have been searching for. WE?! I don't care about coffee, I'm not looking for it, they are and they think that I will carry on working with coffee like them! If they want me to 'work' with coffee so much, then I will start 'working' with it then.
It has been a few weeks now. Yosef is off in Gambia and it doesn't look like he is coming back for a while. Thank GOD and. I don't see why a man would go to such a trash country just to grow some damned bean plants, he must have some greater motive or connection. No, he must be planning something big, like create a sinking family business that I will have to take over or something when he calls it quits. I need to act. I don't want to die surrounded by coffee plants like he plans to, I need to do SOMETHING.
It has been some time since I have written to this. I have made great progress in my abilities and I think I am ready for the final step. There is this politician in Gambia that I have been keep a close eye on, he is just what I need and his name is Adama Barrow. On the face he looks like a typical, mediocre politician, but there is one policy his administration is keeping secret... His main goal once he wins the election is to BAN all coffee in Gambia which is just what needs to happen to stop Yosef's coffee ambitions. However, there is only one slight problem, Adama is doing horrendous in the polls compared to his rival, Yahya Jammeh, I'm going to need to go deeper than changing poll results and if I want erase all coffee from Gambia.
For the past weeks, I have been growing coffee. Yes, you saw it right, but in order for this to go through, I will need a special type of coffee made just for the Gambia, a buddy of mine online hooked me up with something that is sure to destroy the image of coffee in all of Gambia as well as hurt it's global image.
This is going to be the last time I write in this, I am deep in the Gambia and my window to strike will be in less than ten minutes, basically what is going down is Yahya's election xd. And by that I mean, he will be guaranteed to lose the election once the people hear of what type of coffee just got imported from Omsk under his parties existing import policies which promoted coffees that use pesticides. Who knew the best pesticide for coffee was anthrax?"
