Eyfim Romanov Romanov
Eyfim Romanov Romanov
| Name | Eyfim Romanov Romanov |
| Birth | May 5th, 1899 |
| Death | September 28th, 1971 |
| Parents | Vladimir Romanov(Father) Kamala Romanov(Mother) |
| Spouse | Rada K. Romanov(1938-1945) Beta Battaculli (1952-1971) |
| Children | Gak Rasputin Juanito Romanov |
| Career | Argentinan Cattle Farmer |
| Known for | The Bad Days |
Eyfim Romanov Romanov was a Russian man, once married to Rada Kepelkeker Romanov, and the father of Gak Rasputin and Juanito Romanov.
Early Life
Eyfim was born in Isil'Kul', Russia in 1899. His parents were siblings, Vladimir and Kamala Romanov, thus giving him the same middle name as last name and a series of genetic problems that persist in the Romanov bloodline today.
He and his sister Rogashma spent their childhood in their village. Eyfim ran away when the communists began to invade, considering he shared a last name with the dynasty that had controlled Russia's monarchy for the past several hundred years. Surely enough, when asked by the Red Army, Vladimir Romanov proudly proclaimed (and lied) that he was a member of the royal Romanov family, not knowing that it would result in his burning at the stake.
He lived in Omsk working at a soviet factory in shame from 1918 through 1938, when he met and promptly married Rada K. Romanov when he realized her Kepelkeker Farms could be a way to escape factory work for more rural activities.
Eventually, his hatred for communism and apparent longing to live in Mussolini's Italy got to him and he got into a fight with a Soviet police officer when Eyfim said "Well of course, my coffee has the best smell of all coffees!" and the police officer replied jokingly "Comrade, this is the People's smell of coffee, don't be so selfish!" The fight ended up leading to Eyfim, Rada, and their toddler son Nikolas running away south through the woods. Nikolas was lost in the escape and ended up becoming Gak Rasputin.
The Bad Days
The two escaped to Baku, Azerbaijan, in the southernmost reaches of the Soviet Union, and assumed new identities. By then, it was 1945, and when Eyfim heard the news that Adolf Hitler had committed suicide and the Soviets were taking over Germany, he felt that he had lost everything that defined him. He soon left Rada in the night and embarked on a three year escape journey through the Middle East, the Mediterranean, and eventually landed himself in Argentina. He chose Argentina because he heard that Hitler secretly didn't die and escaped to Argentina after the war. He looked for Hitler for a year and eventually settled in the village of Bowen. He then met, dated, and eventually married Italian-Argentinan Beta Battaculli in 1952.
Death
He and Beta had a son, Juanito Romanov , in 1962. He became a well-known cattle farmer, and this led to him being noticed by the American CIA and Soviet spies during the leadup to La Guerra Sucia. He claimed to have personal knowledge of the whereabouts of Hitler, which made the CIA protect him and the Soviets try to kill him. After an event known as La Batalla de Magucho, Soviet spies and CIA agents battled in Bowen over the human ransom that was Eyfim. He was killed by the CIA after Eyfim told an agent where Hitler lived. Whether this information was true or not is classified. Either way, Eyfim died there in September 1971 at the age of 72.