Randy Hawk

Randy Hawk

Name	Randall Amos Hawkins
Birth	3 October 1972
Spouse	Amy Hawkins
Children	Saoirse Hawkins
Career	Dictator of Northern Ireland
Known for	Unification of Ireland

Memetic Hawker

Effect	Allows Randy to implant his thoughts and beliefs into others as part of engaging in a transaction with them, thus 'selling' his thoughts.
Origin	Northern Ireland
Power	7/10
Rarity	One known user
Destructive Power	0/10

Randall Amos Hawkins, better known under the nickname Randy Hawk, is a Northern Irish Latin teacher and 'president' of the Republic of Greater Northern Ireland.

Life

Randy was once a normal Latin teacher—if one with not-so-normal political and religious beliefs, chiefly among them a fervent Northern Irish nationalism. He was almost suspended once when he addressed a 13-year-old boy who turned out to be an exchange student from Essex as ‘English Devil-Spawn’ and began chanting exorcisms while pointing a silver cross at him.

Following the destruction of Iceland, Randy spent the next few months in fear that Ireland would be next and began devising a plan to strenghen the defences of the island against meteor strikes. However, his plans went nowhere until he was approached by and subsequently became a member of TAX, where he was given access to an underground stash of ten-year-old Gambian coffee, which allowed him to become extrafertile.

With the knowledge of the Grinch Alliance at his disposal, he quickly learned the truth of the fall of Iceland and immediately pivoted to forming a defence task force against Sterility users instead. He took inspiration from the policies of Adama Barrow and proposed the idea of banning all tea to his local MP, but was quickly laughed out of the room.

Disillusioned with what he called ‘a sad imitation of democracy’, Randy decided to take matters into his own hands. Using his newly-gained ability, Memetic Hawker, which allowed him to ‘sell’ thoughts to other people—or really, implant them—as part of a ‘transaction’, he quickly rose in the ranks of society to become the #1 most liked person in all of Northern Ireland. He secretly plundered TAX’s coffee stash and began distributing it amongst his most loyal followers.

Thus, when Randy called his people to arms and proclaimed independence from the UK, they followed, and, after a series of violent altercations with local police forces and even the British Armed Forces—both of which were ill-prepared to deal with Randy’s extrafertile associates—they eventually succeeded in driving the ‘English cunts’, as he called them, out of Northern Ireland.

The next logical step would have been to enter negotiations with the Republic of Ireland, who might just agree to form a unified Ireland with Randy’s forces. However, in a move that by some contemporary historians has been called a ‘masterstroke of tactical genius’, Randy instead gathered all of his men and marched on Dublin.

Two days later, Ireland capitulated and Randy formed the Republic of Greater Northern Ireland, which now encompassed all of Ireland. Any British residents that remained in Ireland were told to 'please fuck off'. The ones who refused and remained behind as they had come to consider Ireland their home were eventually allowed to stay, but Randy ordered the erection of Peace Lines to separate the 'proper Irish citizens' from the remaining 'unwanted rabble'.

After consolidating his position in this manner, Randy passed a law that outlawed all tea in the country and entered negotiations with Yahya Thor Requiem regarding the mass import of Gambian coffee.