Second Beer Brawl of 2022
Second Beer Brawl of 2022
| Date | 11–14 January 2022 |
| Location | Wasserburg am Inn, Germany |
| Damage | Several broken tables and chairs; 1000 pints of beer that were never paid for |
| Context | XMAS |
| Perpetrator | Martin Gruber, Urtinger |
| Involved | 37 patrons at a German inn |
The Second Beer Brawl of 2022 was an event that took place at the local tavern in Wasserburg am Inn, Germany, between 11–14 January 2022.
That day, Martin Gruber arrived at the town to recruit Urtinger into XMAS. Urtinger, of course, cared little about the Chimney Man and initially refused; when Martin persisted, the former challenged him to a drinking game. Of course, this was a rather unfair proposition, as Urtinger had spent his entire life drinking nothing but beer, but Martin’s extrafertility meant he was no pushover either.
After the 39th beer, Martin started feeling a bit tipsy. At this point, the local inkeep would have liked to close the tavern for the day, but he knew full well there was no separating Urtinger from his beer, so after dismissing all other patrons, he simply locked the door and went to bed, with Marting and Urtinger still drinking.
The tavern reopened as Martin emptied the 121st beer. At this point, Urtinger was growing impatient, as the two of them had agreed they’d drink one beer at a time and wait for the other person to finish; Urtinger, of course, had consistently emptied every new pint in no more than 5 seconds, but Martin had started slowing down quite a bit; it now took him about 7 minutes to finish a pint, and he had started actively circulating his fertility throughout his body to combat the drunkeness.
After emptying the 173rd beer, Martin briefly considered using his ability to secretly dump the beer from his stein outside the tavern and only pretend to drink it, but he knew Urtinger would probably notice and take great offence to this—not because it was cheating of course, but rather because Martin would be wasting beer in doing so.
In the early afternoon of 13 January, after nearly over two fulls days of nothing but drinking beer, Martin was starting to reach his limit; fortunately for him, they had exhausted the tavern’s beer supply twice and had been forced to tak two 4-hour breaks as a result, during which time Martin told Urtinger about XMAS and the Chimney Man.
When the two of them emptied the 486th beer, a fight broke out between them and the other patrons when the latter were told that Martin and Urtinger were the reason why there hadn’t been any beer for them for the past 3 days. The resulting ‘battle’, if it can be called that, lasted a grand total of 8.73 seconds, during which the extrafertile Martin and Urtinger dispatched 37 patrons, who, unlike Urtinger, were rather ordinary German beer drinkers, with great efficiency.
This event later became ‘known’, though only to the locals, as the Second Beer Brawl of 2022, the First having been perpetrated by Urtinger by himself just a week prior. After sitting back down and drinking another 14 beers for a grand total of 500, Urtinger exclaimed that he found Martin’s persistence as well as his combat techniques ‘interesting’ and agreed to follow him for a while, though he didn’t commit to being a full-time member of XMAS.
Merely an hour later, a terrible earthquake that was followed soon after by a deafening shockwave shook the entire town. Though Martin could sense that the source of the event was somewhere to the northwest, he couldn’t quite tell what had happened. Urtinger, whose extrasterility rendered him more sensitive to sterile events, knew that its cause lay in a massive eruption of sterility; as a sterility user himself, he was rather intrigued by this, and so, the two of them set out to investigate what had transpired.