Gambian Holiday Wiki - User contributions [en-gb]

Elves

2026-04-12T22:27:37Z

King Horror:

{{Being|title1 = Elves|image = elf.png|caption = a Canary|species = "Elf"|imaginary_range = ubiquitous through the Imaginary Plane|lifespan = up to 400 years|perception_of_time = cyclical|entanglement = Fertility}}

The Elves, if the rumours are true, are [[Fertility]] Constructs designed by the [[Chimney Man]] to fulfill His desires during His approximately 360-day slumber.

==Physical Description==
* Elves have no lips, making their sharp and pointy teeth, which are designed for the chewing and consumption of Coal, by which they are perpetually stained a dark and dusty black, clearly visible.
* Elvish tongues are extremely stiff and don’t bend.
* Elvish eyes are covered in multiple levels of eye lashes to keep the Coal out of their vision. Since the Elvish eye has evolved to thrive in an exceedingly dry and dusty environment, Elves naturally never need to close their eyes and thus lack eyelids.
* Elves have pointy ears, but they point downwards, so as to not collide with the low ceiling of their mines.
* Lower-class Elves (below the class of Collier) are typically always hunched down so as to fit in lower tunnels.
* Elves have inverted knees, so as to improve crawling in tunnel conditions.
* Elves are closer to Coal golems than biological creatures.
* The throat and mouth of an Elf is constantly extremely dry due to being coated in Coal dust, which renders their articulation extremely hoarse, strained, and outright grating.
* The complexion of an Elf is a dark grey, simply because they are always covered in layers upon layers of coal; no-one actually knows what the natural skin colour of an Elf is.
* Elves are mostly bald; the most hair they have on their bodies is their eye lashes.

==Documentary==
A famous documentary on Elvish language and culture can be found [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJi__6vcUuo here].

File:Elf.png

2026-04-12T22:25:17Z

King Horror:

Elves

2026-04-12T22:24:16Z

King Horror:

Elves

2026-04-12T22:21:55Z

King Horror:

The Elves, if the rumours are true, are [[Fertility]] Constructs designed by the [[Chimney Man]] to fulfill His desires during His approximately 360-day slumber.

==Physical Description==
* Elves have no lips, making their sharp and pointy teeth, which are designed for the chewing and consumption of Coal, by which they are perpetually stained a dark and dusty black, clearly visible.
* Elvish tongues are extremely stiff and don’t bend.
* Elvish eyes are covered in multiple levels of eye lashes to keep the Coal out of their vision. Since the Elvish eye has evolved to thrive in an exceedingly dry and dusty environment, Elves naturally never need to close their eyes and thus lack eyelids.
* Elves have pointy ears, but they point downwards, so as to not collide with the low ceiling of their mines.
* Lower-class Elves (below the class of Collier) are typically always hunched down so as to fit in lower tunnels.
* Elves have inverted knees, so as to improve crawling in tunnel conditions.
* Elves are closer to Coal golems than biological creatures.
* The throat and mouth of an Elf is constantly extremely dry due to being coated in Coal dust, which renders their articulation extremely hoarse, strained, and outright grating.
* The complexion of an Elf is a dark grey, simply because they are always covered in layers upon layers of coal; no-one actually knows what the natural skin colour of an Elf is.
* Elves are mostly bald; the most hair they have on their bodies is their eye lashes.

Elves

2026-04-12T22:19:33Z

King Horror: Created page with "The Elves, if the rumours are true, are Fertility Constructs designed by the Chimney Man to fulfill His desires during His approximately 360-day slumber."

The Elves, if the rumours are true, are [[Fertility]] Constructs designed by the [[Chimney Man]] to fulfill His desires during His approximately 360-day slumber.

Chimney Man

2026-04-12T22:18:14Z

King Horror:

{{Biography|
image = chimney-man.png|
caption = The Chimney Man looming over Omsk|
title = The Chimney Man|
name = See description|
birth = Before 100,000 BC|
ability = ????????????
}}

{{Character Sheet|
species = Unknown|
provenance = [[Mpumalanga]], probably|
height = 8' 10<nowiki>''</nowiki>|
eye_color = Red|
dimension = All of them|
}}

''Note: If you were looking for the 8th chapter of [[The Travels of Dagobert Winter]], see [[The Man in the Chimney]].''

The [[Chimney Man]], frequently also referred to as the '''Man in Red''', is a seemingly timeless, primordial entity that is active each year
around the twenty-fourth of December, and whose purpose and ambitions remain largely
unknown.

== Description ==
The Chimney Man seems to have a place in many cultures of
the world and is referred to by them by a multitude of different names, including
'''Santa Claus''' or '''Father Christmas''' by many cultures of the present day,
'''Irkalla''' by the Sumerians, '''Mot''' by the Phoenicians, '''Old Man Murder'''
by [REDACTED], as well as '''He Who Takes Stride Upon the Thrones of Madness'''
in the legends of the [[Coffee Haus Mages]] of the Gambia.

Most of what is ‘known’ about the Chimney Man has been handed down by tradition and
folk tales over the course of centuries and is, as a result, not seldom rooted in falsehood
and misconception. The same applies to His alleged "[[Elves]]."

The only thing that is known for certain is, though a multitude of people claim to
have seen or met Him, investigations conducted by the [[XMAS|Examiners of Malfeasances
Attributable to Santa]] in the early 1960s have yet revealed that the fate
of those poor souls that have the misfortune of having His gaze fall upon
them is sealed, for there is no escaping Him. Hardly anyone has ever met Him
eye to eye, and lived to tell the tale.

== History ==
He was long thought to be a mere invention of the human mind; one man however, disagreed with this notion: at the dawn of the 20th century, [[Dagobert Winter]] set out for the ancient land of Sumer. [[The Travels of Dagobert Winter|In what followed]], He was set free to roam the world once again.

In more recent times, there is one [[Sergey Yazov|‘encounter’]] of sorts that has been documented.

Odd Beverages

2026-03-10T03:05:55Z

King Horror: Created page with "''Odd Beverages'' is the 2022 debut EP by hyperpop musician Tyn PP."

''Odd Beverages'' is the 2022 debut EP by hyperpop musician [[Tyn PP]].

Tyn PP

2026-03-10T03:05:19Z

King Horror:

{{Biography
|caption1 = cover for Tyn PP's debut single, ''pp slide''
|birth = July 4th, 2001
|career = Musician
|known_for = absolute peak hyperpop content
|image = tyn pp.jpg
|ability = Applause
}}

Peter Merriweather Tinfoil, known by his alias "Tyn PP," is a hyperpop artist from Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

Born to the wealthy Tinfoil family in 2001, Tyn PP is the son of Harlow and Windy Tinfoil.

His first single, "pp slide," went viral on TikTok in 2021 and skyrocketed him to fame that year. He released his first EP, ''Odd Beverages'' in July 2022, to critical acclaim.

When his father, [[Harlow Tinfoil]], became vice president of the United States in 2025, Tyn moved with him to the new United States presidential household, London Hall in [[London, Texas]]. London Hall had no electricity, so Tyn PP powered his music studio on gas generators.

After his father became President, much of his music focused on the eccentricities and excesses of life as part of the first family. This was despite the fact that life in London Hall was more akin to living in a meth den than a mansion. As such, much of his later music was criticized for utterly lacking self-awareness.

==Discography==

=== Singles ===
* ''pp slide'' (2021)
* ''f*** a PP'' (2021)
* ''i stole glue from target'' (2022)
* ''the first son of london texas'' (2025)
* ''the!'' (2026)

=== EPs ===
* ''[[Odd Beverages]]'' (2022)
* ''London G'' (2025)
* ''rolling in the jeep'' (2026)

==Applause==
After several years of severe caffeine addiction, he gained an ability, that some would call a curse, "Applause." His body literally has difficulty absorbing nutrients if more than 24 hours passes without him being praised or cheered for. When sufficient levels of approbations are reached, his strength and energy increase to such great levels that he can create one of his masterpieces in a single day's time. If needed, he can use this energy to build things that he has no training or knowledge of, with wisdom coming from the aether temporarily. Unfortunately for those around him, he usually uses this energy to create music.

File:Reaper.jpg

2026-02-12T05:21:34Z

King Horror:

Grain Reaper

2026-02-12T05:21:12Z

King Horror: Created page with "{{Biography|title1 = The Grain Reaper|image1 = reaper.jpg|name = Oxford Warrensweather|birth = 1811}} The Grain Reaper reaps the fertility of the midwestern United States. It's his passion, actually."

{{Biography|title1 = The Grain Reaper|image1 = reaper.jpg|name = Oxford Warrensweather|birth = 1811}}

The Grain Reaper reaps the fertility of the midwestern United States. It's his passion, actually.

Source

2026-02-12T01:43:05Z

King Horror:

{{Infobox Item|title = SOURCE|image = SOURCE.png}}Source or SOURCE is the source of all sources in the universe.

[[Mind|RXZlcnl0aGluZyBpcyBzb3VyY2UgYW5kIG1pbmQ=]]

[[Fertility]] and [[Sterility]] (Source)

[[Anility]] and [[Virility]] (End)

[[Chirality]] and [[Entropy]] (Transfer)

In the words of [[Rabo]]:

'''"So, here's the kicker. In this realm, we're allowed to be hookers. Why? Because when the [[Looking Glass]] comes, it looks at a part of Source, and it watches and it mixes, and when something mixes, That's why we have children."'''

Source and End are perspective-oriented (deictic) readings of the innate values of the universe.

Mummy

2026-01-30T18:07:54Z

King Horror:

{{Being
|title1=Mummy
|image1=mum e.jpg
|caption1=A mummy in eternal bliss
|species=any
|imaginary_range=any
|lifespan=up to infinite
|perception_of_time=none once achieved
|entanglement=Fertility/Sterility, Anility/Virility
}}

A Mummy is a powerful being that has purposefully entered a state of peace and dormancy induced by balancing high quantities of both [[Fertility]] and [[Sterility]] into a single physical body.

Typically, [[Fertility]] and [[Sterility]] cancel one another out, and in high quantities these interactions can destroy physical matter imbued with these traits. It is, however, possible to hold high quantities of both in a single body. This requires constant energy, however, and can lead to catastrophe if failed. For example, the 4th Great Pyramid of Giza was destroyed when its pharaoh failed to uphold its eternal balance.

File:Mum e.jpg

2026-01-30T18:07:33Z

King Horror:

Mummy

2026-01-30T18:07:24Z

King Horror:

{{Being
|title1=EMummy
|image1=mum e.jpg
|caption1=A mummy in eternal bliss
|species=any
|imaginary_range=any
|lifespan=up to infinite
|perception_of_time=none once achieved
|entanglement=Fertility/Sterility, Anility/Virility
}}

A Mummy is a powerful being that has purposefully entered a state of peace and dormancy induced by balancing high quantities of both [[Fertility]] and [[Sterility]] into a single physical body.

Typically, [[Fertility]] and [[Sterility]] cancel one another out, and in high quantities these interactions can destroy physical matter imbued with these traits. It is, however, possible to hold high quantities of both in a single body. This requires constant energy, however, and can lead to catastrophe if failed. For example, the 4th Great Pyramid of Giza was destroyed when its pharaoh failed to uphold its eternal balance.

Myrna Oilwell

2026-01-30T18:00:34Z

King Horror: Created page with "Myrna Smyrna Oilwell is an American politician who served as United States Speaker of the House from January 2025 until December 2028."

Myrna Smyrna Oilwell is an American politician who served as United States Speaker of the House from January 2025 until December 2028.

Main Page

2026-01-30T15:15:58Z

King Horror: /* Welcome to The Gambia */

Main Page

2026-01-30T15:12:44Z

King Horror: /* Welcome to The Gambia */

Main Page

2026-01-30T14:56:46Z

King Horror: /* Welcome to The Gambia */

Main Page

2026-01-30T14:53:43Z

King Horror: /* Welcome to The Gambia */

This wiki compiles the historically significant and yet vastly underrepresented story of the Gambian Holiday, five generations of inherited conflict and dismay resulting from the coffee industries of Russia and the Gambia over the past hundred years, culminating in the affair between [[Yosef Romanov]], [[Aisha Mankita]], and [[Aleksey Pivovarov]].

Follow their lives on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/aleksey.pivovarov.773.

= Welcome to The Gambia =
Learn more totally factual history by clicking some of the links below.
<gallery mode="packed-hover">
File:super bob.jpg|Super BOB|Link=Super BOB|The life and times of BOB
File:Basa v howard.webp|Who Killed Mung Brigham?|link=Who Killed Mung Brigham?|Dead Fortnite Weeb or Fate of the Universe?
File:wrong days png.png|The Wrong Days|Link=The Wrong Days|The Wrong Days
File:caining.png|The Caning of Jagodzinski|Link=The Caning of Jagodzinski|The Caning of Jagodzinski
File:Keperkekel farms phjgof.webp|Kepelkeker Farms Scandal|link=Kepelkeker Farms Scandal|History of the Kepelkeker Farms
File:Oofgambiaxd.webp|Great Caffeinated Death|link=The Caffeinated Death of 2016|The Caffeinated Death of 2016.
File:Meena.jpg|President Meena|Link=Jeffrey Meena|President Meena
File:Coffee Coup 1.webp|The Coffee Coup|Link=Coffee Coup of 2021|Jeffrey Meena's Epic Ascent to the Presidency
File:tyn pp.jpg|Tyn PP's Greatest Hits|Link=Tyn PP|Tyn PP's Greatest Hits
File:QuaFe.png|Q|Link=Quafe|Quafe
File:zagros.jpg|Zagros Enkidu|Link=Zagros Enkidu|Zagros Enkidu
File:nuckchorris.png|Greatest Tea Drinker of All Time|Link=Nuck Chorris|Greatest Tea Drinker of All Time
File:24 edit.png|The 2024 Election|Link=2024 United States Presidential Election|The 2024 Election
File:hallowed.jpg|HCST|Link=Hallowed Council of Severe Thunderstorms|The Hallowed Council
File:1peoplehunt.png|PH|Link=People Hunters|The People Hunters
File:not deer.jpg|ND|Link=Not Deer|Not Deer
File:sonicfans.png|NSF|Link=Neoliberal Sonic Fans' Party|Neoliberal Sonic Fans' Party
</gallery>

= Featured Articles =
[[Silvia Hesturn]]

[[Jeffrey Meena]]

[[Team Jeff]]

[[Adelheid Smith]]

= Playlist =
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2uSLrAbbv9Zjjz3VOyAsA0?si=Tz6dulTATnCvUE3GEjNHKA

Main Page

2026-01-30T14:43:55Z

King Horror: Undo revision 2641 by King Horror (talk)

Main Page

2026-01-30T14:43:10Z

King Horror:

Main Page

2026-01-30T14:43:08Z

King Horror: /* Welcome to The Gambia */

Mummy

2026-01-29T20:49:45Z

King Horror: Created page with "A Mummy is a powerful being that has purposefully entered a state of peace and dormancy induced by balancing high quantities of both Fertility and Sterility into a single physical body. Typically, Fertility and Sterility cancel one another out, and in high quantities these interactions can destroy physical matter imbued with these traits. It is, however, possible to hold high quantities of both in a single body. This requires constant energy, however, an..."

A Mummy is a powerful being that has purposefully entered a state of peace and dormancy induced by balancing high quantities of both [[Fertility]] and [[Sterility]] into a single physical body.

Typically, [[Fertility]] and [[Sterility]] cancel one another out, and in high quantities these interactions can destroy physical matter imbued with these traits. It is, however, possible to hold high quantities of both in a single body. This requires constant energy, however, and can lead to catastrophe if failed. For example, the 4th Great Pyramid of Giza was destroyed when its pharaoh failed to uphold its eternal balance.

Net Nirvana

2026-01-29T16:38:23Z

King Horror: Created page with "Net Nirvana is a state that one can reach by bringing both Fertility and Sterility into one physical form and purposefully and tactfully lowering their levels to as close to zero as physically possible. Typically, this takes years of meditation (and often the use of heavy psychedelics). One who has reached Net Nirvana has no power whatsoever, and in the peace of true surrender they can meld into the fabric of reality itself. This typically ends one's Extancy..."

Net Nirvana is a state that one can reach by bringing both [[Fertility]] and [[Sterility]] into one physical form and purposefully and tactfully lowering their levels to as close to zero as physically possible. Typically, this takes years of meditation (and often the use of heavy psychedelics).

One who has reached Net Nirvana has no power whatsoever, and in the peace of true surrender they can meld into the fabric of reality itself. This typically ends one's [[Extancy]] but leaves their imprint on [[Mind]].

Fertility

2026-01-29T16:33:25Z

King Horror: /* Interactions */

{{Ability|image1 = Fertility.jpg}}Fertility is an essential property of the universe. Its opposite is [[sterility]].

One who has preternatural levels of fertility is considered [[Extrafertile]].

== Measurement ==
Fertility and Sterility follow the same rules for storing their value, though Sterile energy cancels out Fertile energy. There are three core 'colors' of Fertility declared by the [[Coffee Haus Mages]] in 1853: 'Masculine,' 'Feminine,' and 'Iridescent.' These terms were named such as they often correspond with individual humans' genders, though these are not synonymous. Especially as Fertility values increase, one may shift their color.

'Masculine' fertilities may possess a value of up to 2,147,483,647 (maximum 32-bit integer), with most males typically being born with a fertility value of 2, while 'feminine' fertilities may possess a value of up to (1.7 × 10308) but individuals with this Fertile Color are typically born with a fertility value of .25 or less. Those with Masculine fertility may also possess 'multiple' fertilities taken from other masculine sources, but that number is also limited to the max 32-bit integer, giving a total possible masculine fertility to be 4,611,686,014,132,420,609 (Approximately 4.6 quintillion). Because of this, most males that reach their maximum potential can only increase their powers by gaining more fertilities or editing their ''source ''and changing their mind to female.

'Iridescent' Fertility is a color of fertility that many often pass through the media of the human body as well as most matter for significant distances before reverting to the gravity of the core user and can often interfere with not only the Fertility of others but the makeup of reality itself.

If bearers of any of these 'colors' were to succeed their maximum value, their beings would be given [[Super Death]].

[[Rabo]] is an example of a being who was born with 'masculine' fertility, but with [[Fertile Apotheosis]], converted his mind to 'feminine' and increased his fertility potential.

==Sources==
Fertility is one of the essential properties of reality, and as such it can be found floating freely throughout the universe. It is, however, concentrated in areas where there are stable groupings of quarks, and as such planets, especially planets with stable magnetic fields and atmospheres, are thought to be the most likely to store fertility.

On a more measurable scale, organic life and materials that recently experienced intense radioactive alterations carry fertile energy much more than inorganic material in negative value realms on the [[Imaginary Plane]]. The most concentrated fertility can be found in [[Coffee]], especially Gambian Coffee. Consumption of Gambian Coffee is one of the most rapid ways to boost one's fertility, though it is much more effective in individuals with strong [[Resolve]].

==Interactions==
[[File:Cmps.png|thumb|A Compass Chart showing the Entanglements (Chirality and Stability not shown)]]
As an essential property of the universe, Fertility follows the rules of [[Entanglement]].

Fertility directly cancels out [[Sterility]], and this interaction typically yields heat and [[Anility]].

Fertility has its emenance negated by [[Anility]] without causing damage; in fact, those who are hyperanile can hide their fertile energy signatures using [[Anile Cloaking]].

Fertility does not interact with [[Virility]] at all.

A skilled being can reach [[Net Nirvana]] by purposefully and tactfully bringing their level of fertility and sterility as close to net zero as mathematically possible. Inversely, one who is able to handle both fertility and sterility in high quantities in a single physical body and tactfully balance these levels as well. One who successfully achieves this balance may become a [[Mummy]].

Quantum Icing

2026-01-29T16:28:30Z

King Horror:

{{Ability|title1 = Quantum Icing|image1 = Eeffe.jpg|caption1 = frozen fertility in the Imaginary Plane|trait = Temporal Fertility Capture|origin = Timeless Beings|power = 7/10|rarity = Moderately Rare|destructive_power = 8/10}}Quantum Icing is the act of reverse-engineering a [[Mandelbrot Transfer|Mandelbrot transfer]] in a way that results in the locking of one's [[fertility]] in the temporal position when/where the locking began. Frozen fertility is one of the main food sources of [[Timeless Being|Timeless Beings]], so it is typically very difficult to regain frozen fertility.

Iced Fertility retains data on its physical origins. If iced fertility is "thawed" and returned to the extant physical body of its owner, it can reunited wholly with the body. This is from [[Wet Ghoul|Wet Ghoulhood]], wherein fertility is permanently severed from the body from which it came.

Some examples of iced fertility include:
* [[Mr. Sioux Red]]
* [[Leroy Ginseng]]
* [[Aisha Mankita]]

Wet Ghoul

2026-01-29T16:25:34Z

King Horror:

A Wet Ghoul is a collection of [[fertility]], [[sterility]], [[anility]], or [[virility]] that has been stripped of all physical particles while remaining [[extancy|extant]].

An alternative to Wet Ghoulhood is [[Quantum Icing]], where one's fertility can be frozen at a specific location on the Imaginary Plane between specific realities on the i axis. In this case, however, physical data is usually stored, and the physical body of a victim of Quantum Icing can be reconnected to its fertility if handled properly.

Wet Ghouls are a common food source for [[Timeless Being]]s.

Tyn PP

2026-01-29T16:14:18Z

King Horror: /* Discography */

{{Biography
|caption1 = cover for Tyn PP's debut single, ''pp slide''
|birth = July 4th, 2001
|career = Musician
|known_for = absolute peak hyperpop content
|image = tyn pp.jpg
|ability = Applause
}}

Peter Merriweather Tinfoil, known by his alias "Tyn PP," is a hyperpop artist from Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

Born to the wealthy Tinfoil family in 2001, Tyn PP is the son of Harlow and Windy Tinfoil.

His first single, "pp slide," went viral on TikTok in 2021 and skyrocketed him to fame that year. He released his first EP, ''Odd Beverages'' in July 2022, to critical acclaim.

When his father, [[Harlow Tinfoil]], became vice president of the United States in 2025, Tyn moved with him to the new United States presidential household, London Hall in [[London, Texas]]. London Hall had no electricity, so Tyn PP powered his music studio on gas generators.

After his father became President, much of his music focused on the eccentricities and excesses of life as part of the first family. This was despite the fact that life in London Hall was more akin to living in a meth den than a mansion. As such, much of his later music was criticized for utterly lacking self-awareness.

==Discography==

=== Singles ===
* ''pp slide'' (2021)
* ''f*** a PP'' (2021)
* ''i stole glue from target'' (2022)
* ''the first son of london texas'' (2025)
* ''the!'' (2026)

=== EPs ===
* ''Odd Beverages'' (2022)
* ''London G'' (2025)
* ''rolling in the jeep'' (2026)

==Applause==
After several years of severe caffeine addiction, he gained an ability, that some would call a curse, "Applause." His body literally has difficulty absorbing nutrients if more than 24 hours passes without him being praised or cheered for. When sufficient levels of approbations are reached, his strength and energy increase to such great levels that he can create one of his masterpieces in a single day's time. If needed, he can use this energy to build things that he has no training or knowledge of, with wisdom coming from the aether temporarily. Unfortunately for those around him, he usually uses this energy to create music.

Quantum Icing

2026-01-29T15:56:17Z

King Horror:

{{Ability|title1 = Quantum Icing|image1 = Eeffe.jpg|caption1 = frozen fertility in the Imaginary Plane|trait = Temporal Fertility Capture|origin = Timeless Beings|power = 7/10|rarity = Moderately Rare|destructive_power = 8/10}}Quantum Icing is the act of reverse-engineering a [[Mandelbrot Transfer|Mandelbrot transfer]] in a way that results in the locking of one's [[fertility]] in the temporal position when/where the locking began. Frozen fertility is one of the main food sources of [[Timeless Being|Timeless Beings]], so it is typically very difficult to regain frozen fertility.

Some examples of iced fertility include:
* [[Mr. Sioux Red]]
* [[Leroy Ginseng]]
* [[Aisha Mankita]]

Timeless Being

2026-01-29T15:46:08Z

King Horror:

{{Being|title1 = Timeless Being|image1 = Time.png|caption1 = 2d representation|species = Timeless Being|imaginary_range = Infinite|lifespan = Infinite|perception_of_time = None|entanglement = Quarks, Fertility}}

A Timeless Being is a creature that exists entirely within the [[Imaginary Plane]] and does not interact with the [[Mortal Plane]] or any three dimensional world on any detectable scale. Its only impact on three-dimensional worlds is the ability to lightly tug on probability by altering the spin of quarks. Within the Imaginary Plane, however, these creatures are very dangerous, as they are naturally made to roam there and are not affected by pushing forward or backward on the time plane.

The Timeless Beings have been known to engage in diplomacy [[Imaginary Accord of 1887|only once]].

[[Category:Being]]

Uk'aj chuuk waj

2026-01-29T15:45:26Z

King Horror: Created page with "Uk'aj chuuk waj was, is, and will be the king of the Timeless Beings. Its path intersects with Yggdrasil in +17i at +2019.76j, a location set at the climax of The Worst Days."

Uk'aj chuuk waj was, is, and will be the king of the [[Timeless Being]]s.

Its path intersects with [[Yggdrasil]] in [[+17i]] at +2019.76j, a location set at the climax of [[The Worst Days]].

Leroy Ginseng

2026-01-29T15:39:05Z

King Horror:

{{Biography
|image = Leroyginseng.png
|birth = March 14, 1963
|parents = Yin Ginseng (Father), Kutu Ginseng (Mother)
}}

Leroy Ginseng is an ex-Coffee Haus Mage, member of the [[Decaf Squad]], [https://jojo.wikia.com/wiki/Stand stand] user and political activist in The Gambia. He possesses the ability of [[ Divine Fertility Dividing]] which allows him to divide the fertility of anyone by half every 10 seconds. The ability has also manifested as a Stand.

Leroy is half Gambian and half Taiwanese but believes he is a full-blooded Gambian. His family, the Ginsengs were renowned coffee farmers and brewers in the Gambia but were all wiped out except Leroy in the [[1970 Sinking of Burong]]. From that day he resented coffee and devoted himself to warning the Gambian people about the dangers of coffee.

His main rival is the [[Corporeal Beast]], another creature that was given an ability by Odin. The Beast's ability, [[Double Adventitious Fertility]] would naturally be weak to Leroy, but because it has a Balance Breaker and is able to double it's own fertility limitlessness, it could easily force Leroy to absorb too much fertility for him to handle. The two beings would only ever meet [[Leroy Versus The Corp|once]].

[[Category:Stand User]]
[[Category:Divine]]

Wet Ghoul

2026-01-29T15:30:30Z

King Horror:

A Wet Ghoul is a collection of [[fertility]], [[sterility]], [[anility]], or [[virility]] that has been stripped of all physical particles while remaining [[extancy|extant]].

An alternative to Wet Ghoulhood is [[Quantum Icing]], where one's fertility can be frozen at a specific location on the Imaginary Plane between specific realities on the i axis. In this case, however, physical data is usually stored, and the physical body of a victim of Quantum Icing can be brought back if handled properly.

Wet Ghouls are a common food source for [[Timeless Being]]s.

Wet Ghoul

2026-01-29T15:30:16Z

King Horror: Created page with "A Wet Ghoul is a collection of fertility, sterility, anility, or virility that has been stripped of all physical particles while remaining extant. An alternative to Wet Ghoulhood is Quantum Icing, where one's fertility can be frozen at a specific location on the Imaginary Plane between specific realities on the i axis. In this case, however, physical data is usually stored, and the physical body of a victim of Quantum Icing can be brought back if..."

A Wet Ghoul is a collection of [[fertility]], [[sterility]], [[anility]], or [[virility]] that has been stripped of all physical particles while remaining [[extant]].

An alternative to Wet Ghoulhood is [[Quantum Icing]], where one's fertility can be frozen at a specific location on the Imaginary Plane between specific realities on the i axis. In this case, however, physical data is usually stored, and the physical body of a victim of Quantum Icing can be brought back if handled properly.

Wet Ghouls are a common food source for [[Timeless Being]]s.

Impotent Husk

2026-01-29T15:24:53Z

King Horror:

An Impotent Husk is the name given to a mortal of standard fertility whose soul and life force has been consumed by a being of higher power. The more powerful being occupies the flesh and bones of the lesser fertile being.

This is different from simple "possession," as the soul and mind of the original person is destroyed during the process of becoming an Impotent Husk. The original person is not necessarily granted [[Super Death]], but rather their essence is "eaten" by the more fertile being, and their data can be extracted by extremely powerful lifeforms if they are skilled enough. This data would have no physical form to occupy, though, and would likely remain a [[Wet Ghoul]] for eternity.

Notably, the [[Crimson Bean]] made Impotent Husks out of three US presidents: George W Bush, Barack Obama, and Donald Trump.

Impotent Husk

2026-01-29T15:23:07Z

King Horror: Created page with "An Impotent Husk is the name given to a mortal of standard fertility whose soul and life force has been consumed by a being of higher power. The more powerful being occupies the flesh and bones of the lesser fertile being. This is different from simple "possession," as the soul and mind of the original person is destroyed during the process of becoming an Impotent Husk. The original person is not necessarily granted Super Death, but rather their essence is "eaten" b..."

An Impotent Husk is the name given to a mortal of standard fertility whose soul and life force has been consumed by a being of higher power. The more powerful being occupies the flesh and bones of the lesser fertile being.

This is different from simple "possession," as the soul and mind of the original person is destroyed during the process of becoming an Impotent Husk. The original person is not necessarily granted [[Super Death]], but rather their essence is "eaten" by the more fertile being, and can be extracted by extremely powerful lifeforms if they are skilled enough.

Notably, the [[Crimson Bean]] made Impotent Husks out of three US presidents: George W Bush, Barack Obama, and Donald Trump.

Crimson Bean Controversy

2026-01-29T15:18:33Z

King Horror: /* The Big Divorce Rebound Adventure (2002-2005) */

{{HISTORICAL_EVENT
|image = crimsonbeancontroversy.png
|date = 1990-present
|location = Bolivia, Argentina, California, the Gambia
|death_toll = 175+
|damage = $6 Billion USD
|involved = Jeffrey Meena, Juanito Romanov, Cerrita Romanov, Bastard Son Buba, Jill Meena, Rabo, etc.|}}

The '''Crimson Bean Controvery''' refers to the series of events following [[Juanito Romanov]]'s 1992 discovery of the [[Temple of the Crimson Bean]] in Bolivia, and the following actions of filmmaker [[Jeffrey Meena]] in attempting to harness its power for wealth and glory.

== Beginnings ==
In the 1950's, Soviet emigrant [[Eyfim Romanov Romanov]] searched South America for Adolf Hitler. His findings were largely kept a secret, and he was soon being followed by the CIA and the Soviet KGB. In ''[[La Batalla de Magucho]]'' in 1972, Eyfim told CIA agent [[Charles Zabbernathy]] that he had found Hitler and he was more powerful than ever. He allegedly said more, and he was killed once the information was given.

His son, Juanito Romanov, became an archaeologist, and in 1992 discovered in Bolivia the Temple of the Crimson Bean. Inside he found the titular [[Crimson Bean]], and touched it. In a bright flash, the bean turned into a reptilian-looking humanoid figure and vanished. By touching the artifact, Juanito was injected with potent [[fertility]] in his DNA.

He returned home to his wife [[Clara Venetti]] and son [[Jamón Romanov]], and they were extremely mad at him for leaving them behind for over 18 months. Clara nearly divorced him, and Juanito finally gave in, and moved with the family to the United States, to California. There, he worked at UCLA and wrote papers on his findings in Bolivia.

Meanwhile, the film empire of [[Jeffrey Meena]]'s [[Meena Productions]] was ascending to unprecedented levels. His films were spreading into Western Africa, directly competing with Nigeria's Nollywood industry. He had recently divorced Tara Smelt, who really just wanted money and ended up coming out of the divorce with over $200 million. Jeffrey was heartbroken and became a cold shill, desperately trying to increase his monetary value by making African films. While patrolling poor villages in the Gambia in a limousine, he found the village of [[Burong]]. He was confronted by [[Leroy Ginseng]], who told him about the several times the city had been sunken by mysterious forces each time the coffee grown there became too powerful. Jeffrey recruited Leroy to make a series of films on the [[Coffee Haus Mages]]. The films were created and extremely in-depth on the lives of the Coffee Haus Mages, including Mr. Sioux Red and his journey to [[Crossplane Purgatory]]. The films were never released, and Jeffrey kept them to himself so that only he could hold the knowledge of the [[Imaginary Plane]] and the fertility acquired through certain types of coffee.

In 1994, Jeffrey Meena was contacted by UCLA professor Juanito Romanov, asking for a cheap but effective documentary on his journey to find the Temple of the Crimson Bean. The Romanov family, along with Meena and his associates, travelled back to northwestern Argentina and Bolivia to recapture on film Juanito's procedure for finding Hitler and the temple. The film series lasted from 1995-2002, with [[Hitler's Beans: The Untold Story of the Ancients]].

== Behind the Scenes of Hitler's Beans (1995-2002) ==
After filming about six episodes of ''Hitler's Beans, ''Juanito breezed over the fact that he had been given the definitive lead to the temple in the form of an ominous warning by an old woman with a German accent that the conspiracies were not merely myths, and moved on to the actual temple. Meena, who was always present on set for this project, was extremely picqued by this detail, and when he saw the Sumerian architecture in the temple along with coffee bean symbolism, he knew that the same mystical "Friendly Council" was behind this. He forced to crew and Juanito to stop furthering the plot and spend as much time as necessary to find the mysterious woman.

The Romanov family was getting fed up with needing to waste so much time continuing Juanito's search for Hitler, and Meena began to get defensive, using his large sums of money to heavily bribe the Romanov's and the people in charge of filming the movies.

In May of 1997, Meena's ex-wife [[Tara Smelt]] noticed a decrease in her ex-husband's net worth, and she became concerned for her alimony payments (even though she had already gotten over $200 million off of him). She found out that he was filming in Argentina, and she went out there herself to spy on his actions.

At about this time, Juanito led Jeffrey Meena to the mysterious old woman who had originally led him to the Temple. She had originally told Juanito that Hitler moved to Argentina for more reasons than simply political asylum. In the 14th episode of Hitler's Beans, the woman interviewed revealed herself to be [[Eva Braun 2]], a genetic hybrid of Hitler's girlfriend Eva Braun and [[g5 GAMBI|an ancient Gambian wizard]] who "harnessed the power of the bean to open the human body to superhuman abilities." She further claimed that she personally knew Hitler and was transported with him to Argentina after the war, along with specifics about her personal life and her daughter, [[Carla Ambrosia Suarez]]. Jeffrey quickly found her and began to flirt. A few weeks later the two of them were dating, and this was about the same time that Tara Smelt arrived at the set to spy on Jeffrey's actions. Seeing Jeffrey with another girl gave Tara a slight nostalgic envy, and further inspired her to financially destroy him.

Jeffrey never released the 14th episode of Hitler's beans, and kept the video as important evidence towards his goal. He continued to film the series, but as the journey progressed closer and closer to revealing the temple (and the location of Hitler).

After finding the temple, Meena's crew built a fort called [[Châteu D'Post Production]], which would become his lair. He continued the documentary series well into 2002, trying to locate Adolf Hitler under the guise of archaeology. By this point, Juanito's family was ready to leave Juanito behind again, and he told Jeffrey that he was quitting. Jeffrey was unhappy, but willing to "move on with the story without [him]," which heavily triggered Juanito. He vowed to stay one more week, and on his last day, it happened. Carla Ambrosia Suarez convinced Eva Braun 2 to take the group to the place where Hitler died. There they found a grave surrounded in Nazi regalia. Juanito was astounded that he had finally completed his father's journey. He invited his family, who were relieved. Tara Smelt was following behind.
[[File:Hitler rises.png|thumb|586x586px]]
Surrounded by Carla, Eva Braun 2, Clara, Jamon, Jeffrey Meena, and several others, Juanito brought his new daughter [[Cerrita "Gatita" Romanov]] up to the grave, saying "We did it, we accomplished your abuelo's life dreams," and placed Cerrita's hand on the headstone. A glowing energy suddenly appeared, the ground ruptured, a burst of energy shown from the ground, a heavy wind pulled all structures away from the central scene. The being that appeared came from a bright red glow... It was him, it was Adolf Hitler. The cameras were rolling, all looks were in horror except for that of Jeffrey Meena, who was smiling cheek to cheek, immediately asking questions. Hitler looked to Jeffrey, opened his mouth, and then burst into pieces, revealing the [[Crimson Bean]]. Crimson Bean blasted a wave of energy at the crowd, throwing them all back except for Cerrita, who seemingly deflected the energy. Meena's cameras broke in the blast, and Meena ran towards Crimson Bean in admiration. Crimson Bean then spoke simultaneously in Spanish and German "Finally, the power to take this world for my own" and then lifted into the air and flew towards the direction of the temple. The weather calmed down, the whole group in shock. A cackle of maniacal laughter emerged from the top of the nearest hill crest; it was Tara Smelt with a camera of her own. She told the group that this information was going "straight to the FBI" and ran off. Jeffrey tumbled over his broken film equipment, and Clara and Juanito looked terrified at the toddler in Juanito's arms.

== The Big Divorce Rebound Adventure (2002-2005) ==
Jeffrey immediately gave his wife a credit card and told her to go back to California with their new daughter [[Jill Meena]]. Tara Smelt boarded a helicopter that flew to her location to pick her up. She flew off, leaving the rest of the group behind, and Jeffrey sprinted off. [[Carla Ambrosia Suarez|Carla]] invited [[Juanito Romanov|Juanito]], [[Clara Venetti|Clara]], [[Cerrita "Gatita" Romanov|Cerrita]], [[Jamón Romanov|Jamón]], and some camera men from the Hitler's Beans crew, to come to the United States with them. She desperately wanted the two-year-old Jill to live a normal life. After what they had experienced, the Romanov family agreed that it was time for a normal life. Within a few days, they boarded a plane, acknowledging that there was not much left in Argentina for them. Carla attempted to bring her mother [[Eva Braun 2]] with them, but she refused to leave, claiming her destiny belonged to "the Bean, as much as the fuhrer, as they had become one and the same."

As their pilgrimage began, the air over South America shifted. The energy emitted by the resurrection of the Crimson Bean notified the [[Friendly Council]] and the members of the [[Hallowed Council of Severe Thunderstorms|Hallowed Council]] who were not busy fighting [[Kepelkeker Farms Scandal|Gak Rasputin's army of Yeth hounds in Omsk, Russia]].

Tara's helicopter landed 50 miles to the southeast, back in Argentina. A flash of energy blinded her, and there appeared [[Xavier Muchissimo]] of the Friendly Council. He told her that it was in the Council's favor that the world (U.S.) government be made aware of the existence of the Crimson Bean, but only at the highest level. Tara asked for help transporting the tapes to Washington, D.C. Before this could happen, energy struck Xavier to the ground. It was a fertility ray broadcast by Hallowed Council wizard [[David Branx]]. Soon joined by [[Fourthman]] and [[Uncle]], the team pushed Xavier back into the Imaginary Plane, where they battled. Tara was extremely confused, and left for the nearest airport.

Tara travelled to [[Châteu D'Post Production|Château D'Post Production]], where she knew Jeffrey would be travelling next. Of course, Jeffrey made it there just in time to see the place in flames. Tara stated that this was "for having a child with ''her''"(referring to Carla Ambrosia Suarez). In the Chateau were dozens of unreleased film reels and digital files on computers. At this point, Jeffrey fell to his knees, ready to surrender. Tara laughed maniacally, claiming that Jeffrey's brain was the only evidence the government would have to destroy now. David Branx reappeared and attempted to take out Tara, but Xavier Muchissimo teleported back into [[-17i]] just in time to deflect the blast. He picked up Tara and blasted into the atmosphere to the north. Recalling [[Leroy Ginseng]], Jeffrey asked the powerful Hallowed Council members in front of him if the people who sunk [[Burong]] were behind this; the three heroes nodded. Jeffrey then immediately requested to go to the Gambia.

In Burong, Jeffrey found Leroy Ginseng, and begged him to be trained in the art of fertility magic. He was met by Mr. Sioux Red, who perfomed several tests on him and found that he was heavily bound to average human fertility, and that the only way he could become [[extrafertile]] would be to perform a [[Mandelbrot Transfer]] on a godly being such as the [[Corporeal Beast]], the body of [[g5 GAMBI]], or of the [[Crimson Bean]]. There were other ways to gain the magic, but they only worked with those with incredible aptitude ([[BOB]] with his mustard gas overdose, [[Xavier Muchissimo]] with the [[Big Elf]]). The Corporeal Beast was in the [[Realm of the Dead]], the body of g5 GAMBI had become incorporated into his mother-in-law [[Eva Braun 2]], and the Crimson Bean was at large somewhere in [[-17i]]. Knowing this, Jeffrey began to gather as many of Leroy Ginseng's friends as he could to set out on a mission to find the Crimson Bean before his ex-wife and the FBI could.

However, by this point it was too late. Tara arrived in the United States, in Washington, D.C. Xavier Muchissimo found her, and took her to Arlington National Cemetery. Without BOB guarding the place, the Gateway of the Eternal Flame was left open, and Xavier called [[Super JFK]] to awaken. Upon hearing that the Crimson Bean had awoken, Super JFK ended his life in a wave of dark energy known as a [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hopf_algebra#Properties_of_the_antipode Quantum Hopf Antipode], as this had been his purpose for existing all along. This was against the wishes of Xavier, however, because the Antipode was essentially a multidimensional beacon that would signal more than just the Crimson bean to gather. Federal government agents began to appear, and revealed themselves to be [[REPTILE]]s. The REPTILE agents gave Tara Smelt high clearance in the White House. After waiting for several hours in the West Wing, the Crimson Bean phased into appearance. He was greeted by U.S. president George W. Bush (who was known to be the first U.S. president since 1872 who voluntarily cooperated with the [[Friendly Council]]), but the Crimson Bean pulled his fertility from him with one glance, without saying a word. Bush collapsed to the ground, the Crimson Bean lifted him up with one arm and used this contact to complete the human genome. Now an [[Impotent Husk]], George Bush became a puppet to mirror normal United States customs. Crimson Bean became '''Crimson Bush, '''the leader of the free world.

[[𒀭]] appeared holographically, welcoming Crimson Bush to the Friendly Council. Tara approached the throne of Crimson Bush, interrupting the coronation, stating that Jeffrey Meena knew too much and needed to be dealt with. Crimson Bush agreed, but then also pointed out that now Tara knew far more than even Jeffrey. Tara boldly claimed she would go out and kill Jeffrey herself if given the ability, and would give up all her fertility once the task was completed. Crimson Bush agreed, and granted her the abilities of a Super Ghost. She travelled through the US, collecting fertility.

Over the next year, the United States was flooded with spirits and powerful clients of the [[Friendly Council]] (BOB was still fighting against Gak) and several world-changing events were forged during this time, such as the creation of Youtube, the career of Steve Jobs, the ascension of Schneider's Bakery, etc. [[Zagros Enkidu]] , the super ghost of Mesopotamia, joined forces with Crimson Bush to escalate the War on Terror. At this moment in time, no member of the Hallowed Council or the Coffee Haus Mages could get close to D.C., the Friendly Council was too powerful. A team had been assembled, however, consisting of Jeffrey, David Branx, Fourthman, Uncle, Leroy Ginseng, Mr. Sioux Red, [[Abernathy Keegan]] , [[Mrs. Jaraya Blue]] ,[[ Qu-Chara Melany| Qu-chara Melany]], and several other low-level wizards. This team was called "Fraternity of People Parading against the Unyielding Crimson-Bean's Craving for New World Order" (abbrev. [[FraPPUCCiNO]] ). Mr. Sioux Red got the group transportation over the ocean in secrecy via [[Aleksey Pivovarov]] 's coffee boat the [[RSS Pivovarov]] , and landed in [[Gucci Bean Haus|Cape Canaveral, Florida]] in late 2004. [[Björn Lopez]] created Hurricane Ivan to warn the group of coming disaster. They didn't get the message.

Tara had accumulated large amounts of fertility, and was by now in a romantic relationship with Xavier Muchissimo. As heightened fertility tends to assist, she would soon unknowingly become pregnant with Xavier's child. Because of this, Xavier began to feel disdain towards the rest of the Friendly Council; he didn't want his lover to lose her fertility. He attempted to stop her in early 2005 from attacking Jeffrey and the FraPPUCCiNO gang. War began, and it would soon escalate severely and change the fate of the world.

== The Abdication of the Bean (2005-2006) ==
Using her new powers, Tara had the ability to quickly destroy Jeffrey. The powerful members of FraPPUCCiNO acted as meat shields that allowed the group to gradually get closer and closer to Washington D.C. By the time they arrived there, Qu-Chara Melany and Uncle had died to Tara and Xavier's onslaught. The world was turning in a very dark direction, and Jeffrey still had no powers. By the end of 2005 BOB had finished his campaign against the Yeth in Omsk, and with significant power gains, he returned to Arlington, sealed the portal, and joined the FraPPUCiNO team in fighting the Friendly Council. He, however, refused to help Jeffrey Meena achieve fertility magic, sensing "a great evil" within him.

The final battle began when a REPTILE army descened from Capitol Hill to a nearby Starbucks where FraPPUCiNO was planning. The Crimson Bush himself arrived at the location, and told everybody to surrender. The following hellfire resulted in a moment where Crimson Bush was tackled to the ground, and Jeffrey grabbed his head and began to feel the power flowing into him. He was then pushed off, thrown to the ground at the feet of Tara, who stripped Jeffrey of his fertility and annihliated his nervous system. He was thrown to a corner. Tara felt satisfied. The Crimson Bush then approached her; her promise had been achieved. He reached out with ethereal limbs and tried to take Tara's fertility, but Xavier betrayed the Crimson Bush by stopping him. The two began to battle a bloody fight, but in the end, Xavier was killed.

Tara, who now didn't actually want to risk losing her fertility while pregnant, fled. David Branx quickly brought Jeffrey's dying body into the Imaginary Plane to quickly travel to Arizona, to meet the best fertile healer in the world. It was David's father, the powerful wizard [[Rabo]]. He unlocked Jeffrey's mind to [[Source]], which reactivated his nervous system and brought him back to health within months, now with fertility magic.

With the Arlington portal sealed and the REPTILEs taken care of, the rest of FraPPUCiNO and BOB still had a lot of work to do with all these new beings released into the Mortal Plane. They were unable to destroy Crimson Bush, but to keep appearances calm, he played the part as the president, only going out at night or sending out minions to fight his enemies. Crimson Bush would become Crimson Obama, Crimson Obama would become Crimson Trump. It would not be for another decade before the tides would turn in favor of humanity, but not in a good way.

Tara gave birth to [[Dick Muchissimo|Richard Muchissimo]] in mid 2006 in Alaska. Jill Meena grew up in California with Cerrita Gatita Romanov, the Meena and Argentinian Romanov families now good friends.

== The Fall of Coffee, The Rise of Jeffrey (2016-2020) ==
These events paved the way for Jeffrey Meena to enter his political career by making a controversial third party run for the White House in the [[2020 United States Presidential Election]]. As social consciousness about coffee and its sourcing became one of the headline issues in the US in the late 2010's, Meena garnered support from those in opposition to Crimson Trump's proposed [[Orange Lid Act]], which banned coffee imports to the United States and sent troops to several foreign countries.

In a history-defining shock, Jeffrey Meena won the election. Defensively, Crimson Trump pushed the Orange Lid Act through as an executive order and sent troops into The Gambia and blockaded the west coast of Africa.
[[Coffee Coup of 2021|Inauguration Day 2021]] turned out to be a bloody affair.
[[Category:Events]]

Meena Productions

2026-01-29T15:15:46Z

King Horror:

{{ORGANIZATION|title = Meena Productions, LTD|image = Meena.jpg|caption = Meena logo in Flag form|founded = 1980|founders = Jeffrey Meena|time_period = 1980–present}}Meena Productions, LTD is a film production company and studio based in Hollywood, California. They are known for making action movies and documentaries centered in western Africa. Their CEO is [[Jeffrey Meena]], president of the United States from 2021-2025 and father of cult leader [[Jill Meena]].

== Popular Productions/ Notable Works ==
* [[Hitler's Beans: The Untold Story of the Ancients]] (1995-2002)
* [[Aleksey and Yosef's Gambian Holiday]] (2018)
* [[Crimbo Countdown 2018: The Epic Compendium]] (2018)
* [[GamBABY Jam ALL STAR EDITION]] (2019-2020)
* [[Bob and Yosef's Worst Days]] (2020)
* [[The War for Catalina Island: America's Last Bastion for Freedom]] (2022)
* [[Send In The Clowns: The Tragedy of Catalina Island]] (2023)
* [[Star Wars X: Ascent of Maul]] (2026)
* [[Star Wars XI: Return of Ren]] (2029)
* [[Star War XII: We Are The Force]] (2030)
[[Category:Organizations]]

Châteu D'Post Production

2026-01-29T15:11:36Z

King Horror: Created page with "Château D'Post Production was the headquarters of Meena Productions until it was razed to the ground in 2005."

Château D'Post Production was the headquarters of [[Meena Productions]] until it was razed to the ground in 2005.

Crimson Bean Controversy

2026-01-29T15:08:40Z

King Horror: /* The Fall of Coffee, The Rise of Jeffrey (2016-2020) */

{{HISTORICAL_EVENT
|image = crimsonbeancontroversy.png
|date = 1990-present
|location = Bolivia, Argentina, California, the Gambia
|death_toll = 175+
|damage = $6 Billion USD
|involved = Jeffrey Meena, Juanito Romanov, Cerrita Romanov, Bastard Son Buba, Jill Meena, Rabo, etc.|}}

The '''Crimson Bean Controvery''' refers to the series of events following [[Juanito Romanov]]'s 1992 discovery of the [[Temple of the Crimson Bean]] in Bolivia, and the following actions of filmmaker [[Jeffrey Meena]] in attempting to harness its power for wealth and glory.

== Beginnings ==
In the 1950's, Soviet emigrant [[Eyfim Romanov Romanov]] searched South America for Adolf Hitler. His findings were largely kept a secret, and he was soon being followed by the CIA and the Soviet KGB. In ''[[La Batalla de Magucho]]'' in 1972, Eyfim told CIA agent [[Charles Zabbernathy]] that he had found Hitler and he was more powerful than ever. He allegedly said more, and he was killed once the information was given.

His son, Juanito Romanov, became an archaeologist, and in 1992 discovered in Bolivia the Temple of the Crimson Bean. Inside he found the titular [[Crimson Bean]], and touched it. In a bright flash, the bean turned into a reptilian-looking humanoid figure and vanished. By touching the artifact, Juanito was injected with potent [[fertility]] in his DNA.

He returned home to his wife [[Clara Venetti]] and son [[Jamón Romanov]], and they were extremely mad at him for leaving them behind for over 18 months. Clara nearly divorced him, and Juanito finally gave in, and moved with the family to the United States, to California. There, he worked at UCLA and wrote papers on his findings in Bolivia.

Meanwhile, the film empire of [[Jeffrey Meena]]'s [[Meena Productions]] was ascending to unprecedented levels. His films were spreading into Western Africa, directly competing with Nigeria's Nollywood industry. He had recently divorced Tara Smelt, who really just wanted money and ended up coming out of the divorce with over $200 million. Jeffrey was heartbroken and became a cold shill, desperately trying to increase his monetary value by making African films. While patrolling poor villages in the Gambia in a limousine, he found the village of [[Burong]]. He was confronted by [[Leroy Ginseng]], who told him about the several times the city had been sunken by mysterious forces each time the coffee grown there became too powerful. Jeffrey recruited Leroy to make a series of films on the [[Coffee Haus Mages]]. The films were created and extremely in-depth on the lives of the Coffee Haus Mages, including Mr. Sioux Red and his journey to [[Crossplane Purgatory]]. The films were never released, and Jeffrey kept them to himself so that only he could hold the knowledge of the [[Imaginary Plane]] and the fertility acquired through certain types of coffee.

In 1994, Jeffrey Meena was contacted by UCLA professor Juanito Romanov, asking for a cheap but effective documentary on his journey to find the Temple of the Crimson Bean. The Romanov family, along with Meena and his associates, travelled back to northwestern Argentina and Bolivia to recapture on film Juanito's procedure for finding Hitler and the temple. The film series lasted from 1995-2002, with [[Hitler's Beans: The Untold Story of the Ancients]].

== Behind the Scenes of Hitler's Beans (1995-2002) ==
After filming about six episodes of ''Hitler's Beans, ''Juanito breezed over the fact that he had been given the definitive lead to the temple in the form of an ominous warning by an old woman with a German accent that the conspiracies were not merely myths, and moved on to the actual temple. Meena, who was always present on set for this project, was extremely picqued by this detail, and when he saw the Sumerian architecture in the temple along with coffee bean symbolism, he knew that the same mystical "Friendly Council" was behind this. He forced to crew and Juanito to stop furthering the plot and spend as much time as necessary to find the mysterious woman.

The Romanov family was getting fed up with needing to waste so much time continuing Juanito's search for Hitler, and Meena began to get defensive, using his large sums of money to heavily bribe the Romanov's and the people in charge of filming the movies.

In May of 1997, Meena's ex-wife [[Tara Smelt]] noticed a decrease in her ex-husband's net worth, and she became concerned for her alimony payments (even though she had already gotten over $200 million off of him). She found out that he was filming in Argentina, and she went out there herself to spy on his actions.

At about this time, Juanito led Jeffrey Meena to the mysterious old woman who had originally led him to the Temple. She had originally told Juanito that Hitler moved to Argentina for more reasons than simply political asylum. In the 14th episode of Hitler's Beans, the woman interviewed revealed herself to be [[Eva Braun 2]], a genetic hybrid of Hitler's girlfriend Eva Braun and [[g5 GAMBI|an ancient Gambian wizard]] who "harnessed the power of the bean to open the human body to superhuman abilities." She further claimed that she personally knew Hitler and was transported with him to Argentina after the war, along with specifics about her personal life and her daughter, [[Carla Ambrosia Suarez]]. Jeffrey quickly found her and began to flirt. A few weeks later the two of them were dating, and this was about the same time that Tara Smelt arrived at the set to spy on Jeffrey's actions. Seeing Jeffrey with another girl gave Tara a slight nostalgic envy, and further inspired her to financially destroy him.

Jeffrey never released the 14th episode of Hitler's beans, and kept the video as important evidence towards his goal. He continued to film the series, but as the journey progressed closer and closer to revealing the temple (and the location of Hitler).

After finding the temple, Meena's crew built a fort called [[Châteu D'Post Production]], which would become his lair. He continued the documentary series well into 2002, trying to locate Adolf Hitler under the guise of archaeology. By this point, Juanito's family was ready to leave Juanito behind again, and he told Jeffrey that he was quitting. Jeffrey was unhappy, but willing to "move on with the story without [him]," which heavily triggered Juanito. He vowed to stay one more week, and on his last day, it happened. Carla Ambrosia Suarez convinced Eva Braun 2 to take the group to the place where Hitler died. There they found a grave surrounded in Nazi regalia. Juanito was astounded that he had finally completed his father's journey. He invited his family, who were relieved. Tara Smelt was following behind.
[[File:Hitler rises.png|thumb|586x586px]]
Surrounded by Carla, Eva Braun 2, Clara, Jamon, Jeffrey Meena, and several others, Juanito brought his new daughter [[Cerrita "Gatita" Romanov]] up to the grave, saying "We did it, we accomplished your abuelo's life dreams," and placed Cerrita's hand on the headstone. A glowing energy suddenly appeared, the ground ruptured, a burst of energy shown from the ground, a heavy wind pulled all structures away from the central scene. The being that appeared came from a bright red glow... It was him, it was Adolf Hitler. The cameras were rolling, all looks were in horror except for that of Jeffrey Meena, who was smiling cheek to cheek, immediately asking questions. Hitler looked to Jeffrey, opened his mouth, and then burst into pieces, revealing the [[Crimson Bean]]. Crimson Bean blasted a wave of energy at the crowd, throwing them all back except for Cerrita, who seemingly deflected the energy. Meena's cameras broke in the blast, and Meena ran towards Crimson Bean in admiration. Crimson Bean then spoke simultaneously in Spanish and German "Finally, the power to take this world for my own" and then lifted into the air and flew towards the direction of the temple. The weather calmed down, the whole group in shock. A cackle of maniacal laughter emerged from the top of the nearest hill crest; it was Tara Smelt with a camera of her own. She told the group that this information was going "straight to the FBI" and ran off. Jeffrey tumbled over his broken film equipment, and Clara and Juanito looked terrified at the toddler in Juanito's arms.

== The Big Divorce Rebound Adventure (2002-2005) ==
Jeffrey immediately gave his wife a credit card and told her to go back to California with their new daughter [[Jill Meena]]. Tara Smelt boarded a helicopter that flew to her location to pick her up. She flew off, leaving the rest of the group behind, and Jeffrey sprinted off. [[Carla Ambrosia Suarez|Carla]] invited [[Juanito Romanov|Juanito]], [[Clara Venetti|Clara]], [[Cerrita "Gatita" Romanov|Cerrita]], [[Jamón Romanov|Jamón]], and some camera men from the Hitler's Beans crew, to come to the United States with them. She desperately wanted the two-year-old Jill to live a normal life. After what they had experienced, the Romanov family agreed that it was time for a normal life. Within a few days, they boarded a plane, acknowledging that there was not much left in Argentina for them. Carla attempted to bring her mother [[Eva Braun 2]] with them, but she refused to leave, claiming her destiny belonged to "the Bean, as much as the fuhrer, as they had become one and the same."

As their pilgrimage began, the air over South America shifted. The energy emitted by the resurrection of the Crimson Bean notified the [[Friendly Council]] and the members of the [[Hallowed Council of Severe Thunderstorms|Hallowed Council]] who were not busy fighting [[Kepelkeker Farms Scandal|Gak Rasputin's army of Yeth hounds in Omsk, Russia]].

Tara's helicopter landed 50 miles to the southeast, back in Argentina. A flash of energy blinded her, and there appeared [[Xavier Muchissimo]] of the Friendly Council. He told her that it was in the Council's favor that the world (U.S.) government be made aware of the existence of the Crimson Bean, but only at the highest level. Tara asked for help transporting the tapes to Washington, D.C. Before this could happen, energy struck Xavier to the ground. It was a fertility ray broadcast by Hallowed Council wizard [[David Branx]]. Soon joined by [[Fourthman]] and [[Uncle]], the team pushed Xavier back into the Imaginary Plane, where they battled. Tara was extremely confused, and left for the nearest airport.

Tara travelled to [[Châteu D'Post Production|Château D'Post Production]], where she knew Jeffrey would be travelling next. Of course, Jeffrey made it there just in time to see the place in flames. Tara stated that this was "for having a child with ''her''"(referring to Carla Ambrosia Suarez). In the Chateau were dozens of unreleased film reels and digital files on computers. At this point, Jeffrey fell to his knees, ready to surrender. Tara laughed maniacally, claiming that Jeffrey's brain was the only evidence the government would have to destroy now. David Branx reappeared and attempted to take out Tara, but Xavier Muchissimo teleported back into [[-17i]] just in time to deflect the blast. He picked up Tara and blasted into the atmosphere to the north. Recalling [[Leroy Ginseng]], Jeffrey asked the powerful Hallowed Council members in front of him if the people who sunk [[Burong]] were behind this; the three heroes nodded. Jeffrey then immediately requested to go to the Gambia.

In Burong, Jeffrey found Leroy Ginseng, and begged him to be trained in the art of fertility magic. He was met by Mr. Sioux Red, who perfomed several tests on him and found that he was heavily bound to average human fertility, and that the only way he could become [[extrafertile]] would be to perform a [[Mandelbrot Transfer]] on a godly being such as the [[Corporeal Beast]], the body of [[g5 GAMBI]], or of the [[Crimson Bean]]. There were other ways to gain the magic, but they only worked with those with incredible aptitude ([[BOB]] with his mustard gas overdose, [[Xavier Muchissimo]] with the [[Big Elf]]). The Corporeal Beast was in the [[Realm of the Dead]], the body of g5 GAMBI had become incorporated into his mother-in-law [[Eva Braun 2]], and the Crimson Bean was at large somewhere in [[-17i]]. Knowing this, Jeffrey began to gather as many of Leroy Ginseng's friends as he could to set out on a mission to find the Crimson Bean before his ex-wife and the FBI could.

However, by this point it was too late. Tara arrived in the United States, in Washington, D.C. Xavier Muchissimo found her, and took her to Arlington National Cemetery. Without BOB guarding the place, the Gateway of the Eternal Flame was left open, and Xavier called [[Super JFK]] to awaken. Upon hearing that the Crimson Bean had awoken, Super JFK ended his life in a wave of dark energy known as a [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hopf_algebra#Properties_of_the_antipode Quantum Hopf Antipode], as this had been his purpose for existing all along. This was against the wishes of Xavier, however, because the Antipode was essentially a multidimensional beacon that would signal more than just the Crimson bean to gather. Federal government agents began to appear, and revealed themselves to be [[REPTILE]]s. The REPTILE agents gave Tara Smelt high clearance in the White House. After waiting for several hours in the West Wing, the Crimson Bean phased into appearance. He was greeted by U.S. president George W. Bush (who was known to be the first U.S. president since 1872 who voluntarily cooperated with the [[Friendly Council]]), but the Crimson Bean pulled his fertility from him with one glance, without saying a word. Bush collapsed to the ground, the Crimson Bean lifted him up with one arm and used this contact to complete the human genome. Now an Impotent Husk, George Bush became a puppet to mirror normal United States customs. Crimson Bean became '''Crimson Bush, '''the leader of the free world.

[[𒀭]] appeared holographically, welcoming Crimson Bush to the Friendly Council. Tara approached the throne of Crimson Bush, interrupting the coronation, stating that Jeffrey Meena knew too much and needed to be dealt with. Crimson Bush agreed, but then also pointed out that now Tara knew far more than even Jeffrey. Tara boldly claimed she would go out and kill Jeffrey herself if given the ability, and would give up all her fertility once the task was completed. Crimson Bush agreed, and granted her the abilities of a Super Ghost. She travelled through the US, collecting fertility.

Over the next year, the United States was flooded with spirits and powerful clients of the [[Friendly Council]] (BOB was still fighting against Gak) and several world-changing events were forged during this time, such as the creation of Youtube, the career of Steve Jobs, the ascension of Schneider's Bakery, etc. [[Zagros Enkidu]] , the super ghost of Mesopotamia, joined forces with Crimson Bush to escalate the War on Terror. At this moment in time, no member of the Hallowed Council or the Coffee Haus Mages could get close to D.C., the Friendly Council was too powerful. A team had been assembled, however, consisting of Jeffrey, David Branx, Fourthman, Uncle, Leroy Ginseng, Mr. Sioux Red, [[Abernathy Keegan]] , [[Mrs. Jaraya Blue]] ,[[ Qu-Chara Melany| Qu-chara Melany]], and several other low-level wizards. This team was called "Fraternity of People Parading against the Unyielding Crimson-Bean's Craving for New World Order" (abbrev. [[FraPPUCCiNO]] ). Mr. Sioux Red got the group transportation over the ocean in secrecy via [[Aleksey Pivovarov]] 's coffee boat the [[RSS Pivovarov]] , and landed in [[Gucci Bean Haus|Cape Canaveral, Florida]] in late 2004. [[Björn Lopez]] created Hurricane Ivan to warn the group of coming disaster. They didn't get the message.

Tara had accumulated large amounts of fertility, and was by now in a romantic relationship with Xavier Muchissimo. As heightened fertility tends to assist, she would soon unknowingly become pregnant with Xavier's child. Because of this, Xavier began to feel disdain towards the rest of the Friendly Council; he didn't want his lover to lose her fertility. He attempted to stop her in early 2005 from attacking Jeffrey and the FraPPUCCiNO gang. War began, and it would soon escalate severely and change the fate of the world.

== The Abdication of the Bean (2005-2006) ==
Using her new powers, Tara had the ability to quickly destroy Jeffrey. The powerful members of FraPPUCCiNO acted as meat shields that allowed the group to gradually get closer and closer to Washington D.C. By the time they arrived there, Qu-Chara Melany and Uncle had died to Tara and Xavier's onslaught. The world was turning in a very dark direction, and Jeffrey still had no powers. By the end of 2005 BOB had finished his campaign against the Yeth in Omsk, and with significant power gains, he returned to Arlington, sealed the portal, and joined the FraPPUCiNO team in fighting the Friendly Council. He, however, refused to help Jeffrey Meena achieve fertility magic, sensing "a great evil" within him.

The final battle began when a REPTILE army descened from Capitol Hill to a nearby Starbucks where FraPPUCiNO was planning. The Crimson Bush himself arrived at the location, and told everybody to surrender. The following hellfire resulted in a moment where Crimson Bush was tackled to the ground, and Jeffrey grabbed his head and began to feel the power flowing into him. He was then pushed off, thrown to the ground at the feet of Tara, who stripped Jeffrey of his fertility and annihliated his nervous system. He was thrown to a corner. Tara felt satisfied. The Crimson Bush then approached her; her promise had been achieved. He reached out with ethereal limbs and tried to take Tara's fertility, but Xavier betrayed the Crimson Bush by stopping him. The two began to battle a bloody fight, but in the end, Xavier was killed.

Tara, who now didn't actually want to risk losing her fertility while pregnant, fled. David Branx quickly brought Jeffrey's dying body into the Imaginary Plane to quickly travel to Arizona, to meet the best fertile healer in the world. It was David's father, the powerful wizard [[Rabo]]. He unlocked Jeffrey's mind to [[Source]], which reactivated his nervous system and brought him back to health within months, now with fertility magic.

With the Arlington portal sealed and the REPTILEs taken care of, the rest of FraPPUCiNO and BOB still had a lot of work to do with all these new beings released into the Mortal Plane. They were unable to destroy Crimson Bush, but to keep appearances calm, he played the part as the president, only going out at night or sending out minions to fight his enemies. Crimson Bush would become Crimson Obama, Crimson Obama would become Crimson Trump. It would not be for another decade before the tides would turn in favor of humanity, but not in a good way.

Tara gave birth to [[Dick Muchissimo|Richard Muchissimo]] in mid 2006 in Alaska. Jill Meena grew up in California with Cerrita Gatita Romanov, the Meena and Argentinian Romanov families now good friends.

== The Fall of Coffee, The Rise of Jeffrey (2016-2020) ==
These events paved the way for Jeffrey Meena to enter his political career by making a controversial third party run for the White House in the [[2020 United States Presidential Election]]. As social consciousness about coffee and its sourcing became one of the headline issues in the US in the late 2010's, Meena garnered support from those in opposition to Crimson Trump's proposed [[Orange Lid Act]], which banned coffee imports to the United States and sent troops to several foreign countries.

In a history-defining shock, Jeffrey Meena won the election. Defensively, Crimson Trump pushed the Orange Lid Act through as an executive order and sent troops into The Gambia and blockaded the west coast of Africa.
[[Coffee Coup of 2021|Inauguration Day 2021]] turned out to be a bloody affair.
[[Category:Events]]

Crimson Bean Controversy

2026-01-29T15:07:43Z

King Horror: /* The Abdication of the Bean (2005-2006) */

{{HISTORICAL_EVENT
|image = crimsonbeancontroversy.png
|date = 1990-present
|location = Bolivia, Argentina, California, the Gambia
|death_toll = 175+
|damage = $6 Billion USD
|involved = Jeffrey Meena, Juanito Romanov, Cerrita Romanov, Bastard Son Buba, Jill Meena, Rabo, etc.|}}

The '''Crimson Bean Controvery''' refers to the series of events following [[Juanito Romanov]]'s 1992 discovery of the [[Temple of the Crimson Bean]] in Bolivia, and the following actions of filmmaker [[Jeffrey Meena]] in attempting to harness its power for wealth and glory.

== Beginnings ==
In the 1950's, Soviet emigrant [[Eyfim Romanov Romanov]] searched South America for Adolf Hitler. His findings were largely kept a secret, and he was soon being followed by the CIA and the Soviet KGB. In ''[[La Batalla de Magucho]]'' in 1972, Eyfim told CIA agent [[Charles Zabbernathy]] that he had found Hitler and he was more powerful than ever. He allegedly said more, and he was killed once the information was given.

His son, Juanito Romanov, became an archaeologist, and in 1992 discovered in Bolivia the Temple of the Crimson Bean. Inside he found the titular [[Crimson Bean]], and touched it. In a bright flash, the bean turned into a reptilian-looking humanoid figure and vanished. By touching the artifact, Juanito was injected with potent [[fertility]] in his DNA.

He returned home to his wife [[Clara Venetti]] and son [[Jamón Romanov]], and they were extremely mad at him for leaving them behind for over 18 months. Clara nearly divorced him, and Juanito finally gave in, and moved with the family to the United States, to California. There, he worked at UCLA and wrote papers on his findings in Bolivia.

Meanwhile, the film empire of [[Jeffrey Meena]]'s [[Meena Productions]] was ascending to unprecedented levels. His films were spreading into Western Africa, directly competing with Nigeria's Nollywood industry. He had recently divorced Tara Smelt, who really just wanted money and ended up coming out of the divorce with over $200 million. Jeffrey was heartbroken and became a cold shill, desperately trying to increase his monetary value by making African films. While patrolling poor villages in the Gambia in a limousine, he found the village of [[Burong]]. He was confronted by [[Leroy Ginseng]], who told him about the several times the city had been sunken by mysterious forces each time the coffee grown there became too powerful. Jeffrey recruited Leroy to make a series of films on the [[Coffee Haus Mages]]. The films were created and extremely in-depth on the lives of the Coffee Haus Mages, including Mr. Sioux Red and his journey to [[Crossplane Purgatory]]. The films were never released, and Jeffrey kept them to himself so that only he could hold the knowledge of the [[Imaginary Plane]] and the fertility acquired through certain types of coffee.

In 1994, Jeffrey Meena was contacted by UCLA professor Juanito Romanov, asking for a cheap but effective documentary on his journey to find the Temple of the Crimson Bean. The Romanov family, along with Meena and his associates, travelled back to northwestern Argentina and Bolivia to recapture on film Juanito's procedure for finding Hitler and the temple. The film series lasted from 1995-2002, with [[Hitler's Beans: The Untold Story of the Ancients]].

== Behind the Scenes of Hitler's Beans (1995-2002) ==
After filming about six episodes of ''Hitler's Beans, ''Juanito breezed over the fact that he had been given the definitive lead to the temple in the form of an ominous warning by an old woman with a German accent that the conspiracies were not merely myths, and moved on to the actual temple. Meena, who was always present on set for this project, was extremely picqued by this detail, and when he saw the Sumerian architecture in the temple along with coffee bean symbolism, he knew that the same mystical "Friendly Council" was behind this. He forced to crew and Juanito to stop furthering the plot and spend as much time as necessary to find the mysterious woman.

The Romanov family was getting fed up with needing to waste so much time continuing Juanito's search for Hitler, and Meena began to get defensive, using his large sums of money to heavily bribe the Romanov's and the people in charge of filming the movies.

In May of 1997, Meena's ex-wife [[Tara Smelt]] noticed a decrease in her ex-husband's net worth, and she became concerned for her alimony payments (even though she had already gotten over $200 million off of him). She found out that he was filming in Argentina, and she went out there herself to spy on his actions.

At about this time, Juanito led Jeffrey Meena to the mysterious old woman who had originally led him to the Temple. She had originally told Juanito that Hitler moved to Argentina for more reasons than simply political asylum. In the 14th episode of Hitler's Beans, the woman interviewed revealed herself to be [[Eva Braun 2]], a genetic hybrid of Hitler's girlfriend Eva Braun and [[g5 GAMBI|an ancient Gambian wizard]] who "harnessed the power of the bean to open the human body to superhuman abilities." She further claimed that she personally knew Hitler and was transported with him to Argentina after the war, along with specifics about her personal life and her daughter, [[Carla Ambrosia Suarez]]. Jeffrey quickly found her and began to flirt. A few weeks later the two of them were dating, and this was about the same time that Tara Smelt arrived at the set to spy on Jeffrey's actions. Seeing Jeffrey with another girl gave Tara a slight nostalgic envy, and further inspired her to financially destroy him.

Jeffrey never released the 14th episode of Hitler's beans, and kept the video as important evidence towards his goal. He continued to film the series, but as the journey progressed closer and closer to revealing the temple (and the location of Hitler).

After finding the temple, Meena's crew built a fort called [[Châteu D'Post Production]], which would become his lair. He continued the documentary series well into 2002, trying to locate Adolf Hitler under the guise of archaeology. By this point, Juanito's family was ready to leave Juanito behind again, and he told Jeffrey that he was quitting. Jeffrey was unhappy, but willing to "move on with the story without [him]," which heavily triggered Juanito. He vowed to stay one more week, and on his last day, it happened. Carla Ambrosia Suarez convinced Eva Braun 2 to take the group to the place where Hitler died. There they found a grave surrounded in Nazi regalia. Juanito was astounded that he had finally completed his father's journey. He invited his family, who were relieved. Tara Smelt was following behind.
[[File:Hitler rises.png|thumb|586x586px]]
Surrounded by Carla, Eva Braun 2, Clara, Jamon, Jeffrey Meena, and several others, Juanito brought his new daughter [[Cerrita "Gatita" Romanov]] up to the grave, saying "We did it, we accomplished your abuelo's life dreams," and placed Cerrita's hand on the headstone. A glowing energy suddenly appeared, the ground ruptured, a burst of energy shown from the ground, a heavy wind pulled all structures away from the central scene. The being that appeared came from a bright red glow... It was him, it was Adolf Hitler. The cameras were rolling, all looks were in horror except for that of Jeffrey Meena, who was smiling cheek to cheek, immediately asking questions. Hitler looked to Jeffrey, opened his mouth, and then burst into pieces, revealing the [[Crimson Bean]]. Crimson Bean blasted a wave of energy at the crowd, throwing them all back except for Cerrita, who seemingly deflected the energy. Meena's cameras broke in the blast, and Meena ran towards Crimson Bean in admiration. Crimson Bean then spoke simultaneously in Spanish and German "Finally, the power to take this world for my own" and then lifted into the air and flew towards the direction of the temple. The weather calmed down, the whole group in shock. A cackle of maniacal laughter emerged from the top of the nearest hill crest; it was Tara Smelt with a camera of her own. She told the group that this information was going "straight to the FBI" and ran off. Jeffrey tumbled over his broken film equipment, and Clara and Juanito looked terrified at the toddler in Juanito's arms.

== The Big Divorce Rebound Adventure (2002-2005) ==
Jeffrey immediately gave his wife a credit card and told her to go back to California with their new daughter [[Jill Meena]]. Tara Smelt boarded a helicopter that flew to her location to pick her up. She flew off, leaving the rest of the group behind, and Jeffrey sprinted off. [[Carla Ambrosia Suarez|Carla]] invited [[Juanito Romanov|Juanito]], [[Clara Venetti|Clara]], [[Cerrita "Gatita" Romanov|Cerrita]], [[Jamón Romanov|Jamón]], and some camera men from the Hitler's Beans crew, to come to the United States with them. She desperately wanted the two-year-old Jill to live a normal life. After what they had experienced, the Romanov family agreed that it was time for a normal life. Within a few days, they boarded a plane, acknowledging that there was not much left in Argentina for them. Carla attempted to bring her mother [[Eva Braun 2]] with them, but she refused to leave, claiming her destiny belonged to "the Bean, as much as the fuhrer, as they had become one and the same."

As their pilgrimage began, the air over South America shifted. The energy emitted by the resurrection of the Crimson Bean notified the [[Friendly Council]] and the members of the [[Hallowed Council of Severe Thunderstorms|Hallowed Council]] who were not busy fighting [[Kepelkeker Farms Scandal|Gak Rasputin's army of Yeth hounds in Omsk, Russia]].

Tara's helicopter landed 50 miles to the southeast, back in Argentina. A flash of energy blinded her, and there appeared [[Xavier Muchissimo]] of the Friendly Council. He told her that it was in the Council's favor that the world (U.S.) government be made aware of the existence of the Crimson Bean, but only at the highest level. Tara asked for help transporting the tapes to Washington, D.C. Before this could happen, energy struck Xavier to the ground. It was a fertility ray broadcast by Hallowed Council wizard [[David Branx]]. Soon joined by [[Fourthman]] and [[Uncle]], the team pushed Xavier back into the Imaginary Plane, where they battled. Tara was extremely confused, and left for the nearest airport.

Tara travelled to [[Châteu D'Post Production|Château D'Post Production]], where she knew Jeffrey would be travelling next. Of course, Jeffrey made it there just in time to see the place in flames. Tara stated that this was "for having a child with ''her''"(referring to Carla Ambrosia Suarez). In the Chateau were dozens of unreleased film reels and digital files on computers. At this point, Jeffrey fell to his knees, ready to surrender. Tara laughed maniacally, claiming that Jeffrey's brain was the only evidence the government would have to destroy now. David Branx reappeared and attempted to take out Tara, but Xavier Muchissimo teleported back into [[-17i]] just in time to deflect the blast. He picked up Tara and blasted into the atmosphere to the north. Recalling [[Leroy Ginseng]], Jeffrey asked the powerful Hallowed Council members in front of him if the people who sunk [[Burong]] were behind this; the three heroes nodded. Jeffrey then immediately requested to go to the Gambia.

In Burong, Jeffrey found Leroy Ginseng, and begged him to be trained in the art of fertility magic. He was met by Mr. Sioux Red, who perfomed several tests on him and found that he was heavily bound to average human fertility, and that the only way he could become [[extrafertile]] would be to perform a [[Mandelbrot Transfer]] on a godly being such as the [[Corporeal Beast]], the body of [[g5 GAMBI]], or of the [[Crimson Bean]]. There were other ways to gain the magic, but they only worked with those with incredible aptitude ([[BOB]] with his mustard gas overdose, [[Xavier Muchissimo]] with the [[Big Elf]]). The Corporeal Beast was in the [[Realm of the Dead]], the body of g5 GAMBI had become incorporated into his mother-in-law [[Eva Braun 2]], and the Crimson Bean was at large somewhere in [[-17i]]. Knowing this, Jeffrey began to gather as many of Leroy Ginseng's friends as he could to set out on a mission to find the Crimson Bean before his ex-wife and the FBI could.

However, by this point it was too late. Tara arrived in the United States, in Washington, D.C. Xavier Muchissimo found her, and took her to Arlington National Cemetery. Without BOB guarding the place, the Gateway of the Eternal Flame was left open, and Xavier called [[Super JFK]] to awaken. Upon hearing that the Crimson Bean had awoken, Super JFK ended his life in a wave of dark energy known as a [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hopf_algebra#Properties_of_the_antipode Quantum Hopf Antipode], as this had been his purpose for existing all along. This was against the wishes of Xavier, however, because the Antipode was essentially a multidimensional beacon that would signal more than just the Crimson bean to gather. Federal government agents began to appear, and revealed themselves to be [[REPTILE]]s. The REPTILE agents gave Tara Smelt high clearance in the White House. After waiting for several hours in the West Wing, the Crimson Bean phased into appearance. He was greeted by U.S. president George W. Bush (who was known to be the first U.S. president since 1872 who voluntarily cooperated with the [[Friendly Council]]), but the Crimson Bean pulled his fertility from him with one glance, without saying a word. Bush collapsed to the ground, the Crimson Bean lifted him up with one arm and used this contact to complete the human genome. Now an Impotent Husk, George Bush became a puppet to mirror normal United States customs. Crimson Bean became '''Crimson Bush, '''the leader of the free world.

[[𒀭]] appeared holographically, welcoming Crimson Bush to the Friendly Council. Tara approached the throne of Crimson Bush, interrupting the coronation, stating that Jeffrey Meena knew too much and needed to be dealt with. Crimson Bush agreed, but then also pointed out that now Tara knew far more than even Jeffrey. Tara boldly claimed she would go out and kill Jeffrey herself if given the ability, and would give up all her fertility once the task was completed. Crimson Bush agreed, and granted her the abilities of a Super Ghost. She travelled through the US, collecting fertility.

Over the next year, the United States was flooded with spirits and powerful clients of the [[Friendly Council]] (BOB was still fighting against Gak) and several world-changing events were forged during this time, such as the creation of Youtube, the career of Steve Jobs, the ascension of Schneider's Bakery, etc. [[Zagros Enkidu]] , the super ghost of Mesopotamia, joined forces with Crimson Bush to escalate the War on Terror. At this moment in time, no member of the Hallowed Council or the Coffee Haus Mages could get close to D.C., the Friendly Council was too powerful. A team had been assembled, however, consisting of Jeffrey, David Branx, Fourthman, Uncle, Leroy Ginseng, Mr. Sioux Red, [[Abernathy Keegan]] , [[Mrs. Jaraya Blue]] ,[[ Qu-Chara Melany| Qu-chara Melany]], and several other low-level wizards. This team was called "Fraternity of People Parading against the Unyielding Crimson-Bean's Craving for New World Order" (abbrev. [[FraPPUCCiNO]] ). Mr. Sioux Red got the group transportation over the ocean in secrecy via [[Aleksey Pivovarov]] 's coffee boat the [[RSS Pivovarov]] , and landed in [[Gucci Bean Haus|Cape Canaveral, Florida]] in late 2004. [[Björn Lopez]] created Hurricane Ivan to warn the group of coming disaster. They didn't get the message.

Tara had accumulated large amounts of fertility, and was by now in a romantic relationship with Xavier Muchissimo. As heightened fertility tends to assist, she would soon unknowingly become pregnant with Xavier's child. Because of this, Xavier began to feel disdain towards the rest of the Friendly Council; he didn't want his lover to lose her fertility. He attempted to stop her in early 2005 from attacking Jeffrey and the FraPPUCCiNO gang. War began, and it would soon escalate severely and change the fate of the world.

== The Abdication of the Bean (2005-2006) ==
Using her new powers, Tara had the ability to quickly destroy Jeffrey. The powerful members of FraPPUCCiNO acted as meat shields that allowed the group to gradually get closer and closer to Washington D.C. By the time they arrived there, Qu-Chara Melany and Uncle had died to Tara and Xavier's onslaught. The world was turning in a very dark direction, and Jeffrey still had no powers. By the end of 2005 BOB had finished his campaign against the Yeth in Omsk, and with significant power gains, he returned to Arlington, sealed the portal, and joined the FraPPUCiNO team in fighting the Friendly Council. He, however, refused to help Jeffrey Meena achieve fertility magic, sensing "a great evil" within him.

The final battle began when a REPTILE army descened from Capitol Hill to a nearby Starbucks where FraPPUCiNO was planning. The Crimson Bush himself arrived at the location, and told everybody to surrender. The following hellfire resulted in a moment where Crimson Bush was tackled to the ground, and Jeffrey grabbed his head and began to feel the power flowing into him. He was then pushed off, thrown to the ground at the feet of Tara, who stripped Jeffrey of his fertility and annihliated his nervous system. He was thrown to a corner. Tara felt satisfied. The Crimson Bush then approached her; her promise had been achieved. He reached out with ethereal limbs and tried to take Tara's fertility, but Xavier betrayed the Crimson Bush by stopping him. The two began to battle a bloody fight, but in the end, Xavier was killed.

Tara, who now didn't actually want to risk losing her fertility while pregnant, fled. David Branx quickly brought Jeffrey's dying body into the Imaginary Plane to quickly travel to Arizona, to meet the best fertile healer in the world. It was David's father, the powerful wizard [[Rabo]]. He unlocked Jeffrey's mind to [[Source]], which reactivated his nervous system and brought him back to health within months, now with fertility magic.

With the Arlington portal sealed and the REPTILEs taken care of, the rest of FraPPUCiNO and BOB still had a lot of work to do with all these new beings released into the Mortal Plane. They were unable to destroy Crimson Bush, but to keep appearances calm, he played the part as the president, only going out at night or sending out minions to fight his enemies. Crimson Bush would become Crimson Obama, Crimson Obama would become Crimson Trump. It would not be for another decade before the tides would turn in favor of humanity, but not in a good way.

Tara gave birth to [[Dick Muchissimo|Richard Muchissimo]] in mid 2006 in Alaska. Jill Meena grew up in California with Cerrita Gatita Romanov, the Meena and Argentinian Romanov families now good friends.

== The Fall of Coffee, The Rise of Jeffrey (2016-2020) ==
These events paved the way for Jeffrey Meena to enter his political career by making a controversial third party run for the White House in the [[2020 United States Presidential Election]]. As social consciousness about coffee and its sourcing became one of the headline issues in the US in the late 2010's, Meena garnered support from those in opposition to Crimson Trump's proposed [[Orange Lid Act]], banned coffee imports to the United States and sent troops to several foreign countries.
In a history-defining shock, Jeffrey Meena won the election. Defensively, Crimson Trump pushed the Orange Lid Act through as an executive order and sent troops into The Gambia and blockaded the west coast of Africa.
[[Coffee Coup of 2021|Inauguration Day 2021]] turned out to be a bloody affair.
[[Category:Events]]

Crimson Bean

2026-01-29T15:02:52Z

King Horror:

{{Biography|title1 = CRIMSON BEAN|image1 = CRIMSON.jpg|caption1 = The Crimson Bean in his physical form|birth = ????????????????????|death = 2021????????????}}

{{Ability|title1 = Emperor's New Clothes|image1 = Reeee.png|trait = allows user to absorb portions of the DNA of a being it touches in exchange for granting extrafertility to the touched|origin = Mpumalanga|power = 8/10|rarity = one user, more evolved version of a Quantum Transfer|destructive_power = 2/10}}

The Crimson Bean is an ancient artifact from the [[Temple of the Crimson Bean]]. It was created by the [[Friendly Council]], specifically designed to grant worthy humans aptitude for [[fertility]] magic. After the great Annunaki Rebellion, the Friendly Council committed a great purge of lesser humans from the earth, in a series of great floods and seismic events. Because of this, the project was abandoned, the artifact left in bean form within their South American headquarters for thousands of years.

It was only recently discovered by [[Juanito Romanov]], who touched the bean upon finding it. It immediately gained flawed but sufficient DNA coding from touching him, gained a humanoid form, and vanished temporarily into another dimension. Juanito at first felt unaffected, but his daughter [[Cerrita "Gatita" Romanov|Cerrita Romanov]], born a year later, seemed to have been born with incredible aptitude to fertility magic.

Using its ability, "Emperor's New Clothes," the Crimson Bean stole the DNA and took the shape of the following Presidents of the United States:
* George W Bush (Crimson Bush)
* Barack Obama (Crimson Obama)
* Donald Trump (Crimson Trump)

During the [[Coffee Coup of 2021]], the Crimson Bean attempted to assume the identity of president-elect [[Jeffrey Meena]] but was destroyed by a coalition of extrafertiles from multiple factions.

[[Category:People]]

File:Cherub.jpg

2026-01-28T16:00:07Z

King Horror:

Cute Lil' Cherub

2026-01-28T15:59:58Z

King Horror:

{{Biography
|caption1 =
|birth = 1011
|career = Subversion
|known_for = Fighting Narcs
|image = cherub.jpg
|death = February 1st, 2021
|ability = Child Support
|children = ~465
}}

Cute Lil' Cherub was a lead warlord of the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cumania Cuman-Kipchak Confederacy] from 1191 until the Mongol conquest of the Steppe in 1241. Afterward, it used its cute and friendly appearance to scam and manipulate its way into the royal courts of various Hungarian and Romanian royal houses for centuries. After failing to prevent the establishment of Austria-Hungary in 1867, Cute Lil' Cherub moved to the Free State of the Congo to work for Leopold II of Belgium's colonial government. This tenure did not last long, and in 1869 it was exiled for being too cruel to the Congolese population even for Leopold's standards.
Afterwards, it moved to Duala, in what later became German West Africa's Kamerun region. After World War One, it relocated to the Gambia Colony and Protectorate. After working as a jester for Colonial Prime Minister and later Prime Minister Dawda Jawara, Cute Lil' Cherub was sentenced to be hanged by [[Yahya Jammeh]] upon his takeover in 1994.

Cute Lil' Cherub was indeed hanged, but did not die. It played dead for approximately 48 hours before being thrown in a dumpster in downtown Banjul. It awoke and worked undercover to subvert the Jammeh regime. It witnessed [[Dmitriy Gurevich]] poisoning the Gambian [[coffee]] supply with Anthrax in late 2016, but did nothing to intervene.

Content with [[Adama Barrow]]'s rule in the Gambia, Cute Lil' Cherub became a beach bum, laying in a single beach chair without moving for approximately 4 years. It was finally visited by an American CIA agent in November 2020 with a request by the president of the United States, [[Crimson Bean|Crimson Trump]] for it to become one of the leading agents of the [[Insurgent Narc Fighter’s League of 8]] (INFL8) in the "humanitarian" enforcement of the [[Orange Lid Act]].

In February 2021, Adama Barrow ordered the other members of INFL8 to kill Cute Lil' Cherub to make room for [[Richard Moriarty]]. It was kicked to death by the other 7 members over the course of approximately 3 hours of merciless brutality. Its body was flayed and various pieces turned to "lucky jerky" worn by the surviving INFL8 members, and Adama Barrow.

==Child Support==
Its [[ability]], Child Support, made anyone in its influence think that it was very cute, cuddly, and funny. This influence could only apply to one lifeform at a time, typically a King, Queen, President, or other high magistrate. It would wear off if too much time had passed since exposure to Cute Lil' Cherub's face, which is why most of its strategic moves in life happened after being fired by its chosen leader from a far distance. It had not seen Adama Barrow in person for over a year when the order to kill it came in.

Tea-Totalism

2026-01-28T15:08:10Z

King Horror:

Tea-Totalism, not to be confused with [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teetotalism Teetotalism], is the practice of voluntarily abstaining from [[coffee]]. Usually, Tea-Totalers drink [[Tea]] instead.

While both coffee and tea contain caffeine, these are fundamentally different substances. Coffee contains and augments [[Fertility]], while tea contains and augments [[Sterility]]. Both of these only cause changes to human physiology if grown from the right crops and brewed or steeped with the proper methods. In your average, everyday coffee or tea, the difference can still be felt quite subtly. Additionally, Fertility and Sterility cancel each other out unless compartmentalized by extremely powerful and skilled users, so those who drink both coffee and tea often have net neutral effects on the body, mind, and [[source]].

== Further Reading ==
* [[Coffee]]
* [[Oversteeping]]

Tea-Totalism

2026-01-28T15:05:57Z

King Horror: Created page with "Tea-Totalism, not to be confused with [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teetotalism Teetotalism], is the practice of voluntarily abstaining from coffee. Usually, Tea-Totalers drink Tea instead. While both coffee and tea contain caffeine, these are fundamentally different substances. Coffee contains and augments Fertility, while tea contains and augments Sterility. Both of these only cause changes to human physiology if grown from the right crops and brewed..."

Harlow Tinfoil

2026-01-28T14:59:42Z

King Horror:

{{Biography|image = harlow.png|caption1 = Harlow attending his 50th birthday party|birth = April 18th, 1956|origin = United States|known_for = President of the United States, Shortest-serving Vice President of the United States|spouse = Windy (m. 1999)|children = 4, including hyperpop artist [[Tyn PP]]}}
Harlow Crosby Tinfoil IV is a politician from Louisiana.

He served as the 50th Vice President of the United States under President [[Jeffrey Meena]] for a few weeks before becoming the 47th President of the United States in March of 2025.

==Early Life==
Harlow Tinfoil was born on April 18th, 1956 in a mansion outside of Shreveport, Louisiana. He was the fourth generation in a line of large-scale shrimpers and boatbuilders. His father, Harlow Tinfoil III, invested heavily in oil companies and began a foray into yacht building in the 1960s.

==Political Career==
Tinfoil was elected to the United States Senate in 2002 as a Democrat. In the fervor of post-9/11 America, Tinfoil was extremely excited about the prospect of invading Iraq. He kept a sandbox in his office with a mold of the map of Iraq so he could create a "Sand Iraq" and stomp on it on a daily basis to simulate the US military obliterating Saddam Hussein. Needless to say, he joyously voted for every military act proposed by George W Bush.

Over the course of the 2010's, Tinfoil became a less active Senator. He spoke in favor of every military act suggested by Obama and Trump, and largely kept quiet on every other issue. A lifelong [[Tea-Totalism|Tea-Totaler]], Tinfoil was happy to hear of the elimination of [[coffee]] from the United States in late 2020.

During Jeffrey Meena's first term, Tinfoil changed his party alignment to Independent before becoming an official member of the [[We Love America Yay Party]] leading up to the 2022 midterm elections. While Meena undid the [[Orange Lid Act]] and sought to guarantee safe access of Gambian Coffee to the United States, Tinfoil was very happy with the fact that Meena was still pursuing the destruction of the [[Coffee Haus]] corporation. Meena began to suggest further military involvement in West Africa, including the possible annexation of the Gambia.

Tinfoil, a member of the We Love America Yay Party had been looking for something interesting to do since the Iraq War. He went further with the idea, proposing an invasion and annexation of Liberia, Sierra Leone, and Senegal as well. Mainstream news channels went so fervently in the direction of the invasion that public support grew as well. Meena saw the writing on the wall, and amidst the growing concerns over personal bias towards his wife and vice president, [[Maribel Sarkeesian]], he removed her from the ticket and selected Tinfoil as his VP candidate.

The Meena-Tinfoil 2024 ticket won a plurality of the electoral college in the [[2024 United States Presidential Election]]. It took the chaotic [[Compromise of 2024]] for Meena and Tinfoil to be certified as the winners of the election. With the independence of the [[Land O' Lakes]], [[Washington, DC]], and the [[Principality of The Flahamas]], it became clear that Meena's impeachment was nigh. His now ex-wife, Sarkeesian, as the president of the Senate for another 20 days, initiated the impeachment proceedings.

Meena was inaugurated to his second term on January 20th, 2025. After the states of Florida, Michigan, Wisconsin, Illinois, Indiana, and Ohio formally withdrew from the Union, the threshold for conviction in an Impeachment by the Senate dropped to 56, and every one of those states supported Meena because he allowed them to secede. The final vote against Meena, held on March 4th, 2025, was 57-27, making him the first president ever removed from office due to impeachment. His wife, Maribel filed for divorce two days later.

==Presidency==
Suddenly, Harlow Tinfoil was president of the United States. Governing from the new United States capital of [[London, Texas]], Tinfoil and his staff were tasked with running the country while in the middle of a move. Not only were all federal assets being moved from DC to whatever buildings around London that could be purchased with eminent domain, but federal assets from the seceded former states were coming back to various parts of the remaining United States. Paperwork was piling up.

Tinfoil desperately wanted to gather the troops and begin an all-out invasion of West Africa, but his plans were continually impeded by the messy paperwork and logistics of the United States giving up 25% of its territory and population. In his first three months in office, he signed a record 9,467 Executive Orders, most of which were written on plain copy paper, receipts, and fast-food bags, as the official Executive Order Printer was being held hostage by DC Mayor [[Akifumi Shimoda]]. Most of these executive orders were just deferrals of work to other cabinet members and Texas state officials.

On a regular basis, Tinfoil could be heard muttering "I hate my job" from his folding chair on the stage of London Hall. One thing that brought him joy was helping his "friend", Jeffrey Meena to complete the tenth installment of the ''Star Wars'' franchise, [[Star Wars X: Ascent of Maul]]. He pardoned Meena of all possible crimes committed during or before his presidency, created an official government department called the [[Department of Star Wars]], led by George Lucas. Nearly $1 Billion USD was appropriated to fund the film.

Over the course of 2025, states began exercising more control over matters historically deemed federal responsibilities. The Supreme Court only finished moving into their new office, the Post Office of London, in June of 2025. By that time, interstate commerce precedent was being ignored across the board, and a national crisis was brewing.

In the summer of 2025, former President Jeffrey Meena asked Tinfoil if he could crash at London Hall for a while, considering his wife had frozen his most of his assets and set a restraining order against him. The only income source he had left was from his acquisition of Lucasfilms that February. During this time, Meena wrote the screenplays for ''[[Star Wars XI: Return of Ren]]'' and ''[[Star Wars XII: We Are The Force]]''. By early fall, Meena left London to live on-set at the filming sites for ''Star Wars X'', which would premiere on August 12th, 2026.

In December 2025, Tinfoil went through a mental break that his son, Tyn PP, described as "The Snap." He let go of all of his inhibitions. He ordered all active military units of all branches of the military present in the Atlantic and Africa to lay siege on the capital cities of Liberia, Guinea, Guinea-Bissau, Sierra Leone, Côte d'Ivoire, and Senegal. Notably he declined to invade The Gambia. Allegedly he was saving The Gambia for "Phase 2". [[Marco Rubio]], the High Prince of the Flahamas, offered to support this military operation with their own troops.